should I call his PO? - Al-Anon Family Group

debbiems · Veteran Member

should I call his PO?

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Deb

This is up to you and what you believe is your responsibility

If the counselor at the treatment center suggested that you call his PO I think I would check with the treatment center. Remember we are still powerless over another's behavio

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

I love the way some treatment centers make YOU responsible for his sobriety ,( your not responsible for keeping him sober anymore than you were responsible for his addiction ) calling his po is your choice but first check your motives for doing so and if your willing to accept the concequences . Louise

debbiems · Veteran Member

I keep asking myself why would or "should" I call his po? and I haven't came up with any reason why i "should" and my motives are? I guess I do not know that I have any. The only reason I would call would be to say that i think that he wants to go to jail that i think things have gotten tough for him because we set boundries and he is running.... now that i have said that its kind of "funny" because I know that I have NO IDEA what he is thinking......

Too hard · Senior Member

I see this action by your son to shift the responsibility of calling the PO and making a report.....and asking for advise I surmise....to you as continuing avoidance in taking responsibity for himself.

I understand that if he was a minor or threatning suicide you would need to take some direct action for him, so that in the short term he is safe.

I have learnt that when we make the decisions and take actions for others then the blame for the consequences can land back on us.

Sometimes it is just so hard to hold to our boundries and let them make mistakes and suffer the consequences.

T.H.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I think that if I were in this dilemma I would talk to the recovery place and get their reasoning on why you're supposed to be the one to call his PO. If the reason made sense to me, I'd do it; if not, I wouldn't. Usually Al-Anon advises that an alcoholic's actions are between him and the people directly involved and that we shouldn't stick ourselves in the middle. So I'd be interested to know what the recovery's center's take on it is.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

He is an adult right? I am sure he knows the consequences for the behavior.

Myself I stay out of it. NOT my problem. He will get caught sooner or later, to me its up to hp. I totally take myself out of the persons disease equasion. I just love them.

I remember saying to my students, "wow that sure is not the choice I would have made."

Or I am really sad you are an addict. It has to be hard.

But you know better than I do what you need to do.

I always put it back in their lap where it belongs.

I would not want anyone I loved tattle tailing on me either. I would appreciate being loved for just me, and no one trying to change me or control my life.

This is my experience. hugs,debilyn

debbiems · Veteran Member

Thank you all for your thoughts. I am not going to get in the way. I feel that it is best if my AS tells his PO like he "said" he is going to. Even if he doesn't if he is tested that will tell All. Its out of my hands and for that i am greatful.

Debbiems

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

The only reason I would think to call the PO is that he is living with you and brought drugs in your house. Hence, if the police came, that would fall on you for not calling his PO for doing illegal things in YOUR house after knowing about them.

In general, I would agree with everyone else here though that it is his own responsibility and I might tell him to use the PO and to call himself so as to get referrals back to rehab before he winds up getting in more trouble with the law. He is also going to fail his next urine test anyhow so he might as well call.

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

"My question is. is that getting in his way?"

I would ask myself is it getting in my way? You're worth it. Hugs. TT

Jadie · Veteran Member

Hi Debbie, your son has said he will call his PO....he either will or he won't......his call.

Letting go of expectations/outcomes, on our part means we are not crushed by disappointment.

Keeping it simple helps.

In freeing ourselves from carrying another's burden we then give them the dignity of being responsible for themselves. What they choose to do is up to them. There may be hard falls, there may not, but if we keep a soft landing always available what are we telling them?

Detaching with love becomes easier with practice!

(((((support)))))

Jadie x

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

some treatment facilities don't seem to understand al-anon at all and thats unfortunate. Its up to you whether you should call or not but its sad a rehab center would make you feel any responsibility at all. The three C's come into play. Didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it. its up to him.

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

that being said, I do agree with pinkchip.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.