The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
a few days ago my children and I went for a walk along a bush track that lead up to a waterfall. The walk was beautiful (in the australian bush). We got to an area about half way up and there was a place to swim, but our goal was to get to the top. So we continued up the track. It became narrow and I panicked that one of us might fall off the edge that was a 20-30 meter drop. The situation was a risk and on that day i couldn't determine if it was a safe enough risk to take. So my children understood that it was my fear and not theirs ( i let them know it was mine) and they said "next time we might be able to go up".
I have had mixed feelings since. I have thought about how my ex would do certain things that were dangerous and not thought out, with the children or himself . I was the person who would do a safety check of things when he would not consider the possible effects. He has a saying "I cannot be killed" - This saying I have taken as- I will not measure the risk - I will do it because I will live through anything.
Sometimes my view of reality is distauted because I have looked-out for the safety of myself, my children and in the past my ex's.
Based upon your children's age it's what we do as parents. We have to help them have common sense because they lack it.
I guess the best way I can explain my logic is this .. I don't do heights .. lol .. ferris wheels are not something I can do and feel safe about .. I do allow the kids to ride them because I don't want them taking on my fears. At the same time .. if I thought the ferris wheel was rickety and it was not a safe ride to look at then yes .. my parental rule is going to over ride at that point. Now that being said, I wouldn't have allowed my daughter at 4 years old to ride one without a supervising adult, no supervising adult, no ride. I feel comfortable in her ability to judge what she feels ok with and not, she's 12 now, (if she were terrified I wouldn't make her) if she wanted to and there was no supervising adult she could ride one on her own. (I practice a few "Hail Mary's and let go .. lol).
Only you can judge what you feel is right for your kids .. maybe at some point you are going to face your fear of letting go to a point. Kids need boundaries and they need guidance, as a parent .. I view that as my job. You acknowledged the issue for you and they understand .. it takes time to let go.
Great awareness and keep up the good work. Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
It sounds like a lovely adventure and being overly cautious goes with having lived with the problem of alcoholism. Please keep working your program, trust the process, you will find the middle ground
Your focus on yourself , your honesty and clarity are inspiring
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 5th of January 2012 06:58:39 PM
My experience is that generally children do not see dangers.
Your teaching of being cautious to your children is very important.
Certain boundries as they grow need to be made firmly by parents to children, unfortunally that is often not the case if one parent is drinking or an addict.
I had six kids, all grew to adults....that did not mean they took no risks but until they left home I was strict about behaviour.
Al- Anon reading helped me so much in the 20 years my husband was drinking and his behaviour was so risky and stupid so often.
