The material presented
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level.
I went to my first meeting today! I was so nervous the butterflies in my stomach seemed to consume me. I didn't even know if I was in the right place. I walked in and asked someone. "Excuse me, I'm looking for the Al-anon meeting". The answer I got, "your in the right place" with an open embrace. I immediately started crying. I was so lost today, I still am but I'm coping.
I happen to come to the meeting where this group does their christmas party so it wasn't a standard meeting. They read aloud and then we ate, then 3 ladies shared their experiences as Mothers of addicts, Wifes of addicts and Daughters of addicts. It was crazy how much I related to each of them. I cried and laughed. It was a great experience!! Within my sickness I still had to use A LOT of self control to not pick up my phone and text him. I had to with stand the pressure in my chest, the anxiety. I did it! I made it to the first stop light after the meeting before I even checked my phone. (that's huge)
The problem? When I checked my phone and there was no text....I cried. I'm so sick I just can't help but think bad things.
Some background- He is in his own program living in a homeless shelter where they provide groups, transport to meetings, job hunting, learning finances and self discovery. they are a program that tries to take people and help them re enter society.
He says he's busy all day. Is he? I can't stop thinking maybe it's all a lie; However, what I learned today is that even though I can't help it right now, today. The truth is that no matter what he is doing, I can't change it whether he's being honest or not. I just can't let it go yet. I'm still sitting her writing this in tears, worried that I am going to lose him. That he will leave me. I need some help and I plan on going to more meetings as soon as I can.
I bought some books, and also picked up a co-dependent book I'm going to read. Maybe it will help. I dont' know. I'm going to try anything an work on me.
I know for sure that part of my desire to know what he's doing and be part of EVERYTHING is my own self confidence issue. Any suggestions on working on my self confidence would be great.
Something that really made a big difference was learning how to use the phone list and call people from the alanon meeting. It makes a big difference to be able to talk to people who understand.
Working on you is a great place to start for building self confidence.
Congrats on making your first meeting may it be the first of many to come .. hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Hi Mel, I had the same problem about wondering about the lies. Then I came to the belief that it didn't matter if it was a lie or not. Now, it really doesn't matter to me. I will learn the truth eventually. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually.
I'm glad you clicked with real life people. Your own self confidence will come. Think of yourself as a 2 yr. old learning to walk. You will fall and stumble backward a few times, but then you will start to walk and run and have lots of courage. Keep going to meetings. Keep reading. It will all make sense.
Yea MELANIE!! so proud and happy for you. Over time I have come to accept that worrying is absolutely futile. It never prevented the things I did not want to happen, from happening anymore than it prepared me for the things that actually did happen. I am with maryjane about eventually knowing the truth. I don't need to know everything because I can give it to my HP now to take care of it. I chose to call my HP God and He knows much more than I do and can take better care of the people I love than I can... so I choose to rely on him now for that instead of driving myself bonkers... again, happy for you that you went to a meeting.. lucky you it had food ;)
-- Edited by Michelle814 on Wednesday 4th of January 2012 07:31:34 PM
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I'm not sure I understand my higher power right now. I'm not sure I know how to understand him. I'm working on that too. I bet it helps...I love what you said about not needing to know everything because you can give it to him and know he will take care of it. I want that piece of mind too!!! I want my ABF (I think that means Alcoholic BoyFriend) to send the messages first and want to know what's going on with me first. I just can't sit around an wait for it right now. I have no patience, no self confidence and up until last night, no support. I'm working on so many things trying to back off for him and for me.
(((Mel))) I think you're doing great! It took time to get to this place where you are now, it will take time to get out of it. But it can happen! You're already starting to make positive changes. I'm so glad you made it to a meeting. Keep on keepin' on, you're going to be OK.
And you're not going thru it alone...you are surrounded by MIP/Al-anon members of soooo many experiences and now you have your first meeting with your first Al-Anon hug...I learned early on that Al-Anon hugs we more genuine than the ones I got from my alcoholic/addict wife.
You're a newbie so just be a newbie...take it slow, listen, learn and practice what others are doing that works for them. That is what I did for me and especially the practicing something other than what I was doing worked major miracles in my life. Its about changing the things I can and need to.
Higher Power for me is She/He/It. I stopped trying to fit my HP into a certain mold and when I did that my HP arrived in more ways than I can ever count and for that I am gratefully blessed.
The major character defect for me I discovered was fear...fear of, fear from, fear to...fear all over the place and sure enough the program had an acronym that I could work with to reduce the fear to managable pieces. I was told that fear stood for (F)alse (E)vidence (A)ppearing (R)eal...in other words my head was telling me stories and painting picture that were not real...just dream't up without evidence. It's good to know that so that I can actually find the truth of a situation rathen than a fiction.
Good on your first meeting...and good on coming here. We're mostly always up cause MIP is all over the planet.
I went to my first meeting today! I was so nervous the butterflies in my stomach seemed to consume me. I didn't even know if I was in the right place. I walked in and asked someone. "Excuse me, I'm looking for the Al-anon meeting". The answer I got, "your in the right place" with an open embrace. I immediately started crying. I was so lost today, I still am but I'm coping. 