The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is one thing that is not that difficult for me... I know what my "defects" are it's learning how to deal with them and overcome them that's my issue. My biggest one is really knowing what it is I want/need and being willing to act on those wants/needs. It was drilled into me for so long as a child that my wants and needs were not important. No, it was never a conscious beat down but it was done by being teased, laughted at, being told "oh you shouldn't feel that way" over and over and over again without anyone putting any real value to what I feel or felt. So, now I don't know how to recognize, very easily, what it is I truly want or need and what is simply trying to please others so that they acknowledge me. This is such a very painful topic for me. I know it's my biggest defect and it's hurting not only me but those around me.
I'm conflicted about turning this over to my HP because again it feels like I'm then putting that into someone else's hands but my own. Does that make sense?
You have verbalized what i have struggled with and the idea that someone/something else is now going to have control once again. Something that has helped me is recognizing that while people as in humans have limited ideas in what I should or shouldn't do, they don't know the outcome to my specific situation, my HP (God) already knows what the outcome is and isn't trying to control me. I completely believe that I have free will in any given situation. It helps me because I am able to say ok, the outcome is already predetermined and no matter what God will be with me. I don't feel so controlled and I don't feel alone in my decision making either.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Hi, I too struggled with "giving it to my HP", and then trusting that it will be dealt with or forgotten by my HP and not important enough. But then I also believe that our HP works through other people. Other people giving advice. Other people talking about their own ESH. Maybe even other people pissing me off enough to make me do somthing. Our HP works in mysterious ways but all we need to do is trust. And that is my hardest thing. We have to take the next right action and trust that it is the right one. The outcome is already known by our HP. We have to take the journey and get there and enjoy the ride.
Are you working the steps on the board we just started step 4 and it sounds about where you are at. I can realte to your share and I am sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
