The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm new to this group. I have been stuggling with the idea of coming to Al anon. Not because I don't think I need it but because I so obsessed with my boyfriends recovery that I forgot to think about my own. He isn't making me focus on him. He has also asked for me to find help. I don't mean to over load the forums here but I probably would. One of my biggest issues is when I'm hurt or uncomfortable; I put my problems on his shoulders, hoping he will help me.
How can I expect him to help me? He is helping himself. I have A LOT to learn and I'm hoping to get some help and guidance through here. I am planning on attending my first meeting tomorrow at 1230. I hope it goes well. I'm scared. It's so much eaiser writing this stuff down.
I have lost faith in my higher power. I have suffered and I feel like I didn't deserve it. I have problems with that. I also have little trust and I can't contol my anixety. I get so worked up at times I can't breathe, I shake and I cry. I feel alone.
My boyfriend Bob is working on his life. He is doing great. Except that I constantly make him feel like he has to give me 100% when maybe he shouldn't but my trust issues keep me from giving him that slack. I don't want to disrupt his recovery and I want to feel at ease enough to live my life each day without tears and anixety.
I just wanted to introduce myself and see what this was about. I love the computer and internet so I hope this turns into a good way for me to get some extra help since there aren't many local meetings. Just one city near me only 2 meetings a week. Is that enough? One of them is at 1230 and on days I work I can't even make that one.
I can't drive far to meetings, I have a part time job and full time responsiblities. Trying to keep up on the gas would kill me. Am I just putting it off? I'm so confused sometimes. But typing it out helps me to feel better and see it on paper. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this. I need help and support in a bad way. I'm just happy I can admit it now. It's been 2 years of denial for me.
I still have a lot to learn too. Letting go is the biggest. I have a hard time doing that when my AH tells me he going to do this or that to get help, or to help him stay sober but when I ask later about those things, he "hasn't gotten around to it yet." That's when I feel he doesn't give me the 100% that he should. He's living with his parents right now, as we are separated, and no job, so why isn't he doing the few things he's telling me he's going to do? We got into a fight yesterday because I was so frustrated I hung up on him, which I shouldn't have done but I feel like I'm constantly told what he going to do to remain sober and he has yet to do them. He forgot and was watching Rocky 4 with his parents. Well, what about your recovery? Shouldn't that come first?
I'm new to Al-Anon myself and started going to meetings, which have helped. But it's hard to let go and let God sometimes. Basically because I love him and I'm trying to fix him, which I know I cannot do.
And believe me, the trust issues, I completely understand!!!! Read my latest post and you'll see why.
Hi, Just get to meetings whenever you can. Don't beat yourself up before you even start. Just start. Whenever.
And then read, read, read on this site, and on the AlAnon web site. Just start. Also go to the gettingthemsober dot com web site and read the book chapters that are offered. That will help.
Everyone in recovery starts at the beginning. We have to start from somewhere and that is from a place we have no idea about. We come into the rooms ignorant...Not knowing and for me I didn't even know that I didn't even know. Ala-who? I didn't even know it was alcoholism or even what that was or mean't and because I was soooo new I was naturally opposed to change and I could do only one suggestion...Keep coming back...sit down, all the way down, listen, learn and practice, practice, practice. Get as much Al-Anon literature as you can and read it all s l o w l y. Sit in the rooms and look for the similarities between me and the others in the meetings rather than the differences and take my time...one day at a time...time takes time and keep coming back.
I learned I was addicted to my alcoholic/addict wife and was having as much time getting enabling free as she was trying to get chemically free and by keeping to come back and sitting down and listening, learning and then practicing what the others in the room were doing I arrived at my own life and my responsibility for it and it's condition.
God is God...God is Higher Power...however anyone speaks of Higher Power or God or anything else like that...God is and I don't have a clue as to how or why or who yet I know that there is a power greater than myself who I can turn to and lean on and that I'm not it. My life was a huge mess and I was responsible for it because I spent all that time trying to act like a Higher Power...not even close...drama over, act done, play closed, leave the stage looking for another script.
We all start at zero and some one hands us step 1. I understood the second part of step one and had to learn the first part in time. Just like me and how I ran my life...bass ackward. Not today!! I learned that the definition of being humble was being teachable and the Al-Anon Family Groups were willing to teach and support me. All I had to do was get there...listen, learn, practice - practice - practice. Progress NOT Perfection.
Hi Melanie. I am so happy for you that you are taking steps to help you. I think that you should get to as many meetings as you can without it being too hard for you. I do about two a week, some weeks I go every day if I can, some I go once a week.. But I am on this site constantly because I can be. This site has been incredible.. JUst to know a click of the mouse and I can connect with people who understand is so comforting.
You already have great awareness and seem very motivated to help yourself. I am happy for your husband and his progress and it is a blessing to him that you are seeing he cannot give you what you need right now. In al-anon we call this "going to the hardware store for bread." Someone who is fresh in working on themselves just can't help someone else. They are ill and need to focus on themselves. Just yesterday I had a horrible evening with my Mom and the before Al-Anon me would have went home and either projected this on my husband or would have seeked comfort from him.. but instead I called my sponsor because she has been working her program for years and is more able to deal with my issues than my husband would be right now.
Welcome and keep coming back.. I swear by this site and highly recommend it and f2f al-anon.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
