Jealous of spouse in recovery!! what is wrong with me - Al-Anon Family Group

Sponge6819 · Newbie

Jealous of spouse in recovery!! what is wrong with me

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Believe me you are by far not the first person to say this and feel this.

But what we do have is Al Anon. Meetings are so special. Here at mip we do our best to be as close to Al Anon as possible.

I do wish we did have a place to go to work on just us for awhile, get a breath, have group meetings, teach us to think of ourselves and practice it.

Might be good if one can to rent a cabin for a week or go to the beach. Get away, rest, nap, let your mind heal.

Honey he will always have the disease of addiction. We can make many changes in our recovery that are forever. In many ways we can be cured. They will never be.

I hope you find serenity. I tell ya it is wondeful. Even as bad as this old world can be, to have a basic foundation of serenity is precious.

Hugs,debilyn

maryjane · ~*Service Worker*~

There is nothing wrong with you except that you are tired. Tired of dealing with alcoholism. Start with dealing with yourself. Be good to yourself. Be proud of being the good mom that you are. Be grateful that your kiddos have such a good mom. When you feel your mind starting to slip, come one the web site again and read and post.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I have read this response from others in the same situation. Try to make as many meetings as you can and work the steps and surely your own recovery will have grown while he is away. Sounds like you are working on it, keep up the good work!

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Your not the first wife to feel this way and its okay , he goes off to a nice recovery site and your home with the kids and the bills , it will be okay and it will pass .. he won't come home fixed by any means but he will be sober hopfully he has found his miracle ,now is the time to find yours , you will have free time to take in more meetings and if you dont already have a sponsor find one and talk out your anger and fears this is your time too . Positive you will have time to devote to your children play with them relax there will be no one there to spoil the mood , treat yourself to a sitter so you have time for meetings , there will be no one there to control the tv remote so watch all the girlie movies you want and didnt have time for , my fav are Fried Green Tomatoes , Shirley Valantine oldies but goodies . Al-Anon prints a couple of great books Living with Sobriety is awsome it addresses the anger our fears etc. also Dilema of the Alcoholic Marriage addresses the communication we all seem to have trouble with . Keep the focus on you and your going to be just fine . Remember this is what you wanted so Enjoy !!!!!!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs sending you love and support!!! Hugs p ;)

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I am sure rehab will be a growing experience but it wont be easy for him. The greatest risk for him is that you will learn to give all the attention you want to yourself and over the next two months you will be happier without him. He does not have it so good when you think about it that way.

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

What you are feeling is so common so don't beat yourself up... but also do not dwell on it too long because its not going to make you healthier, it will just keep you stuck in a rut. Get to f2f meetings asap and be willing to talk with people after, get a sponsor.. thats what people are there for... to help you. If they have been in the program long and are working step 12 then thats their job and dont be afraid to ask out if someone seems willing to spend some time with you. I know its probably hard because you have kids but I suggest to find a way. Like the air on the airplane, you have to breathe first.. you have to help you to help everyone else that you love. Remember your spouse is very ill and needs helped. I know what you mean about how much attention he receives but right now he needs it. He needs to be engulfed in the program and just surrounded by positive people who are working the steps. But.. so do you! He cant help you right now and you cant help him.. But AA can help him.. and Al-Anon can help you. Keep coming back!!! :)

Sponge6819 · Newbie

Thank you for all for such wonderful words of wisdom. I am so thankful to have found this site. I will keep coming back and checking in and reading. I have learned so much from all the readings and posts. There is so much to take in and process. Thank you.

MeTwo2 · ~*Service Worker*~

I've heard this mentioned before too .. here's my own experience only .. my partner and i are separated but i was reading a story about a wife who mentioned the same .. She was jealous of her partner who had gone to recovery and worked with a sponsor all the time .. She wanted to come first .. Another mentioned they were angry because they were the spouse and thought they should have been able to be the one the person listened to .. When I read that .. for me I realised why no wonder i was jealous and not just of my partner but past members of my own family even .. I really believed for awhile that my feelings of self worth were supposed to come from these other people .. if they weren't putting me first, how could they give me that .. i don't know if this is anywhere near where you are but it's a good awareness for me .. I agree with going to alanon .. it's literally saving my life .. face to face meetings ..

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

SSomething else I wanted to suggest was the book Delimma of an Alcoholic Marriage there is a chapter in it that mentions what you are talking about. You are not alone. Hugs p :)

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.