The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am struggling still w/ the death of my father & today is the service--hopefully a day of memories, good times & some closure for me. I can't be down there to comfort & share those moments w/ my family but hopefully somehow I can be there by phone. This might cause of little bit of a problem but I am finally putting in my HPs hands.
Anyhow, I have been actually feeling OK lately. The tears come & go but I feel better than I did before today than I have felt in awhile. I am starting to actually get some sleep & felt kind of refreshed this morning. The only real problem now is not getting up so early! I have found that sometimes getting up early before my husband gets up is OK. I can read, write or do whatever before he gets up. I guess what I am trying to say is that I can make use of the time I have to do something worthwhile that maybe I wouldn't have gotten done if he were up. Today I got up again at about 7:30. It wasn't too bad because I went back to sleep again after 6. Enough talking about my sleep situation. It has been a long haul for me for many years.
My alanon birthday is coming up next week & I have been thinking about it lately. I realize that in the past few years I have been in real recovery. I guess maybe it is because I have a sponsor & Al-anon friends that keep me grounded & help me stay sane. This program is only really successful if you put something into it. I believe that when I got really serious about the program was when I started giving back & helping others. Yeah, I have been chairing meetings over the years & opening up the doors but until recently I really honestly didn't feel that I was really giving enough.
Like my sponsor says, it is all good! I have to do what it is that is in front of me & remember that I am powerless over my situation right now. All I can really do is what I am able to do each day. I am so grateful that I don't have to do more than that.
So, even in this situation, I can be grateful because I never had it so good! I am exactly in the place I should be I think. Just waiting for my HP to let me know what the next best step is.
That's all for now. I have a great support system & I think I will continue to use it!
My deepest sympathies to you. I just wanted to add that when my Mom passed on two years ago, it was shortly after I had started working the Alanon program. I planned and attended her funeral alone as my AH was in rehab. It was actually ok. I thought it would be horrible, but it wasn't. My Mother looked so peaceful and I firmly believe that my HP was right at my side holding my hand, giving me strength. Since the night that I cried to God, that I was helpless, hopeless, and needed him in my life; my life has changed tremendously. Peace to you Hoot Nanny. My thoughts are with you.
Please accept my condolences for your father's death. And, sorry to hear you are unable to be present at his homegoing. Just know that I will keep you in my prayers. May God bless you and your family.
