Progress not perfection - Al-Anon Family Group

kris10 · Senior Member

Progress not perfection

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

"What other people think of me is none of my business"

You know your boundaries. You know your program. You know that it works if we work it.

Sounds like y'all had a very pleasant evening! What a great night!!

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

What other people think is irrelevent ,this is your life you get to decide what to do with it . goodluck Louise

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with the others :) You keep doing what you are doing! Positive things are happening! it works when you work it!

nyc018 · Senior Member

You exhibited compassion and kindness while maintaining firm boundaries - it all sounds positive to me!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Kristen,

We are all excatly where we need to be in our own individual recovery. It all sounds positive.

Hugs P :)

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Kris10. I have gained so much compassion and understanding through Al-Anon its very rare I judge anyone. We're all on our own journey, our own path. Look inside yourself, however, if you feel any changes need made do them for you. What others think.. that's their business. I spent alot of days worrying of what people thought I should do.. leave my husband, stay, try to work it out, move out, move on.. and ultimately I did what I wanted to do at the time and it ended up being okay for me because of where I was in my recovery. Also it does not matter, people can talk and talk and talk but they don't know what they woudl do in my shoes. or your shoes.. or anyone else's shoes.. most, if not everyone is trying to do the best they can with what they have... when I realized this fact and with prayers for HP with help that I could admit I couldnt do it without him my judgmental attitude started to shift and lift. It also helped me when I stopped following my AH's progress in recovery and began focusing the attention on my own progress... Keep posting, Kris10, I follow your posts and you are working your program. Im proud of you.

-- Edited by Michelle814 on Thursday 29th of December 2011 10:14:13 AM

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I can relate with your share and have done a lot of back and forth with my exAH. We were together on and off for 15 years and it has taken me a long time to change and morph my boundaries to what they currently are. I do not judge you. I am far from perfect and it is your life to live! I believe this program helps build us up so that we can make the best choices for ourselves and believe in our own inner voices, because at the end of the day we have to look at ourselves in the mirror. I hand so many worries about judgement to my HP daily, because I know how judgemental I could be and I was assuming everyone else is too. It really is none of my business what they think of me and on top of that I am living for me and my kids not to please them. Delight in your growth and know it's about progress not perfection. I am sending you love and support on your journey!

kris10 · Senior Member

Well he came back lastnight after a trip to a big skate park in the cities all day and he actually did give me more money!! And I didnt even ask him or remind him about it!! I was pretty shocked but I have to say I didnt have any expectations of getting anything.. A learning prosess.. Thanks everyone for all the support..

sookie · Senior Member

It sounds like progress to me! And you are making the choices for you based on your boundaries, compassion for your AH, and your son's needs. All seems very positive! I have also let my AH spend more time here lately (we are separated too) and sometimes he will stay over and this way he can make pancakes for the girls in the morning or something. Maybe it has been because of the holidays--but also because I too see some progress.

It is OK and it is what I am comfortable with sometimes, sometime we both need the space and I am grateful we made the decision to have that, too-thankfully he respects that. Sometimes I do get the weird feeling others would judge, too...it's hard not to feel that way and it takes work to shrug it off. But I always think--this is MY family, dysfunctional as it is--it is what I have and I am grateful for the whole package

Jozie · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((KRIS)))))))))))

Good for you for Not Ingaging in the Drama of the disease *Which is something I Always did when I First got here... Boundries were tough for me* You have Placed Boundries that are Important to you and as long as you feel they are better then I Am Happy for you & Your Recovery... That is all we Can do is Live "One Day at A Time" and when we slow down enough to accept that "We" Are not God, "We" Can't do it All, Nor Dictate it... Sometimes I find that the boundries I place may feel uncomfortable for a time, they tend to become a Habit after a while, and as Long as I am Clear on What They are... I Find myself in a much Happier Place, even if that means them not being in it...

I have been with more A's then I Can think of since my Teenage days 20 years ago, and I Took the Wrong Ones Back Many times, and I Pitched the Good ones Many times... In the End It was about Who & What I Could & Could Not Live with, and I Can say My Husband is a Binge A for sure, and I have been Happily Married for 11 yrs, to say we don't have our problems would be nothing short of a lie, but since I Found My Program just 3 short years ago, I have also Found My Husband, My Marriage, & A Wonderful Relationship with my Son...

Life For You Is Only about You & what You are Happiest with, and the same for Me & Mine... Sounds to me that you have a Wonderful Start at Working your Program, and you will be tested Daily I"m Sure, Be Who You Are, Not Who they Make you! And of Course ... KEEP COMING BACK....

Wishing you a Very Happy New Year Full of Less Expections & Tons of Ease Balance & Grace :)

Friends in Recovery

Jozie

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

Sounds like great progress for both of you. And I'm sure your son enjoyed the time he got to spend with your A. You're doing well with your boundaries, keep up the good work! (And so glad to hear A repaid some of the money he owes you!)

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh good!! I call this good time! I sure miss that. Plus this will help your son so much. The A is not a bad person, just has a very bad disease.

You sound like you are very strong and being careful. No one knows anyone elses situation. I am glad you are sharing love with him and he with you.

I think I shared with u my A was on heroin and I thought he was straight> He was just doing maintenance not getting loaded. It was so sad Kris as he was just himself. I wish he could be on it forever. Or even go on methadone.

that is huge he paid you guys. Says a lot about him.

One day at a time. I really am happy for you guys. love,debilyn

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

It all sounds good but keep your guard up and protect yourself. He needs to live on his own for a long time before being good relationship material.

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