The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so sorry to say & sad that my DAD passed away yesterday. I am glad that he is at peace & not suffering anymore. I wanted him to last a lot longer so I could see him again but it was not meant to be. I guess God had other plans. I tried to see him in May but it didn't work out. He was living in CA--900 miles away from me. I did get to see him in 2007 but really felt the need to see him as he was ill since March. I am so sad so I am having a hard time typing this. I hope I can get it all out.
My family is doing OK. If it weren't for the people up here & the outpouring of support I don't know how I would be handling this. I just seem to think past the pain because I couldn't & can't be down there for the memorial service. It breaks my heart but I know I will be OK.
I have my husband & mother up here, too. They are doing their best to help me through this. I haven't really been alone too much since it happened--have been to an Alanon meeting already, emailed my sponsor & plan to attend meetings over the next few days--even on the holiday. I will never truly be alone anyway. I have my HP & I know He will keep me sane while I grieve. I also have support from my MH up here.
One more thing: I really am having a hard time not being w/ my family down there--they have each other to support & hug, etc. I feel so left out it kills me even though they are only a phone call away. I am trying to figure out a way to be there at the memorial. Maybe it won't work out to try to communicate by cell phone. I don't know. Because of the holiday, the arrangements won't be taken care of until Tuesday. I guess that is the way it is going to be. I am not sure why I mentioned that. I guess it is just a fact. I am just trying to reach out as much as I can.
I will stop here as I really don't want to continue going on & on. I will be OK I know. I have the program & that I can count on.
(((Kath))) my condolences to you and your family...it is sorrowful not being able to be at the memorial service and may be if you can hook up with the Salvation Army or Red Cross or such they might have services that could get you there. I have prayers and cyber ((((hugs)))) from the Pacific.
I'm soooo sorry for your loss. I will be putting you and your family in our prayer circle.
Hugs P
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Kathleen, I am so sorry for your loss of your dad. I understand what you're going through with the miles between you and him and his services to come. Please know that you can be at peace without being there, just talk to him and you will likely receive understanding.
(((kathleen))), Nothing to add to what others have already said. Except to kKnow that you are not alone, you are and will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
My deepest sympathies for your loss, Kathleen. (((hugs)))
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
I felt left out most of my life around my family. What I came to see was it wasn't necessarily "healthy" the way they interacted. When my mother died, the stuff my elder sister pulled was incredible. I am so very grateful I did not have to deal with that in person. At the time it was another mark up of what I didn't get to do. There are some experiences now that I realize its best to do without. A dysfunctional family in mourning is not necessairly supportive. There is a saying people die as they live. My family were always dysfunctional, nothing ever changed, they managed to dress it up a bit so it wasn't so obvious but at the core it was always enmeshed, abusive and very very controlling. I think grief for me has required a lot of calm support, care and nuturing. In my family I was always invisible unless they wanted to dump stuff on me. Missing out on the dumping has done me a lot of good. I had to mourn the family that never was.
My dear friend, you are in my prayers. I am here when you need me.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
