"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

Intense Insight

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

What amazing awareness for you rehprof. Be gentle with yourself as you sort through these feelings and as you see your part in any given situation. Recognize you were operating out of what used to work and now you see that doesn't do it for you anymore.

It's a great opportunity for self forgiveness, I hope you will see that you did the best you could with the tools you had they just are now defuntc tools.

Hugs keep up the great work and a great share!!

Hugs P :)

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

(((rehprof))) Good for you, that's great awareness on your part. And awareness is the first step to making changes. Don't be ashamed, and don't be hard on yourself. I agree with Pushka, you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. But now you know better and have more tools to work with. Thank you for sharing your journey.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Good Work Rehprof

Seeing how I sabotaged myself and manipulated situations was such a big Step in my awakening. I know it was painful at first to begin to see my part and the subtle tools I used but that is where a sponsor and the steps worked so well.

It is a powerful too to be able to "Hear that still small voice within" that says Look, See, Learn

Good Job

-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 21st of December 2011 10:01:55 PM

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Very good insight, and all part of your growth & recovery process.... For me, I was doing it (way more than I had believed at the time), and didn't really change until I realized that finding others to feel sorry for me (and I was damn good at finding these people) wasn't getting me any BETTER......

I love the affirmation that "I am exactly where I need to be in my recovery"

Take care

Tom

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

I love it whena light goes on....
I then just have to work out where to put the light so it can shine on the other little bits of me that I don't know

I am glad your lights are on.

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

I love posts like this because its a shared epiphany. Once you realize things like this about yourself things change. I always had difficulty getting along with this man I worked with. He is far more educated than I, more experienced in the field, and he was not afraid to act as if he was smarter and better than me. At least this is how I saw him then. I would become very closed toward him, I would disagree with him often (professionally,) and I would frequently talk about him behind his back to my co-workers. I felt victimized by him.. as if he was always out to get me. Once I entered Al-Anon I started to look at my side of the disagreements and my side of the hostility between the two of us and I realized that I was doing exactly what I thought he was doing; I was judging him for his over education and lack of every day knowledge in the field and I thought he was judging me for my under education and lack of knowledge in studies, I was attempting to have him believe my opinions or critiquing him for having a mind of his own and I thought he was always trying to get me to just agree with him because he was right.. etc. Once I was aware to all this... I realized what I disliked about him were my own demons. I changed my side of the interactions and now we get along just fine. It's amazing when you realize these qualities that others may recognize, or may not, but you totally overlooked. The world seems different. Happy for your insights and discoveries. I love learning about myself.. good and bad. It's liberating.

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

I love the honesty. I, also, share "victimization" as a character defect. For me, I learned it as a result of growing up in an alcoholic home, I realized that this year and now attend ACA meetings... I have lived in the insanity of alcoholism my entire life.

But today, the confusion is unraveling with the help of working the steps (and from listening to this kind of honesty, thank you. I'm so glad I'm not alone.) I have awareness now, to catch myself when I'm practicing the behavior pattern, and I can affirm that whatever I'm facing today, I know a Power greater than myself.... a tremendous power.... also gives me the qualities I need to survive. I don't have to act like such a drama queen, with the attitude, "My problems are serious!"

hahahaha

I loathe that behavior in me, it's unacceptable.

Thanks for the share ((hugs))

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

This is a great share and I too have used being the victim to get pity from people and it took me awhile to see myself as a survivor rather than the poor sad victim. Glad you shared this, it is easy for me to get on the pity pot and look for a prince on a pink unicorn coming out of the clouds this time of year to save me.Alas I am learning to save myself. Great awareness, keep up the great work!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"