The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm new to this forum. I'm actually new to this hole concept of al-anon. I've never been to a meeting, I've been to scared. I just read adult children of alcoholics.I could relate to that book better then I've ever related to a person. so i hope to find support and safe place to start my recovery.
I just ended my 5 year year relationship with my best friend and serious boyfriend. I convinced my self that i didn't love him as soon as i realized that we could spend the rest of our life together. we never fought, he told me i was beautiful everyday, yet some how i was miserable.
its been a month and a half and i have learned from this book that in fact i was miserable but not because of my relationship, but because i don't love my self. Ive been doing so much sole searching these past few weeks. what i have discovered, looking at my parents is that i actually have no idea what love looks like. my mother is a drunk, an alcoholic in denial. who married for stability and co dependency not love.
In the 5 years that we were together i never considered his feelings. It never crossed my mind that I could hurt him.I did everything in my power to protect my self. I lied, I manipulated him by always making everything about me and how i felt, yet I never let him in. We always had one sided conversations, he would talk for days about every thing that happened in his day the good and the bad. I could not talk. it was always "It's fine" every thing is always "fine."
He told me that if i don't learn to communicate and to think of other people and their feeling that I'm going to die sad and alone. This rings a bit of truth to me when i look at my grandfather. He is 70 years old and I am the only person he talks to. My fear, anger, and resentment that i have toward my family from my childhood has totally affected my relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is, Is there a way to change who you are and find love and hope when you don't know what it looks like and how to get it? do people really forgive you when you've ripped there heart out?
thanks for letting me get my thoughts out. this really does help. the elephant is off my chest now. good night.
You can absolutely change-as a matter of fact the only one we CAN change is ourself. Start going to meetings, work the program and you will be AMAZED at the who you really can be.
I am so glad you found this forum. Since you have not been to a face to face meeting, and decide to go, just let them know you are a newcomer. It is suggested that you try six or more meetings before making a decision as to whether or not alanon is right for you.
If you related to the Adult Child book, I think you will be able to relate to the face to face members of Alanon. For me I continue to learn something new each time I go.
There is an old saying nothing changes unless something changes. Stepping out into the unknown such as going to your first meeting is progress. Take what you like from it and leave the rest. Alanon is the only place I know where everyone is so glad you are there, no conditions, just loving acceptance.
Thanks for posting today. I do so hope you will go to your first meeting and perhaps eventually get a temporary sponsor to help give you a greater understanding of the 12 step process.
Hi Al Anon is great place for us ACoA's. Just to let you know some of us are also on the board for Adult Children of Alcoholics run by MIP also. I find I get different things from the different boards.
((gg)) Hi and welcome to MIP. I'm so glad you found this place. It really is a place of miracles where one can learn to change, and find love and hope. I have learned so much, and received so much comfort and support from the people here. You can too! I recommend reading the other posts and replies. You will find that you are not alone. Please, keep coming back!
