Broken - Al-Anon Family Group

Not Alone · Member

Broken

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs NA,

I know this is an old drum that is beaten and well worn. Face to face meetings really make a big difference, if you haven't gone call the hotline. I hear that you are in a lot of pain and it's a crappy place to be, there really is hope. It takes walking through the doors and finding out you really aren't alone in all of this.

Sending you love and support, P :)

GreenerGrass · Senior Member

Sorry, this sounds sad and worrisome. I know when I was a teen I did drugs, smoked and drank because A. That's the kind of friends I had. And B. Because I had nothing else going for me. I strongly beleive, if I had a hobby that was encouraged, or a dance class or musical instrument lessons I would have had better self esteem and been more mature, and less likely to do drugs. Could you look into some sort of activity that your boys might like? Guitar lessons? Running? Weight lifting? A puppy to train? Would they go to a youth group at church?

Not Alone · Member

Yes, I have often thought of the hobbies to keep them on track but everything I suggest he does not want to do. His size makes it impossible to "drag" him there! lol. He is hurting for whatever reason but he won't talk about it. It's scaring me as I don't know how deep the hurt is. We have an appointment with a service facility here that helps teens with these exact issues. I just hope they pick up on his oscar award winning acting skills!! It's painful to watch him as he was/is such a wonderful kid - he's just not surfacing right now. I'm scared for him and for those of us in the house when he rages.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

teen agers go thru that hate thing. They are so confused from hormones they need YOU to be ok. This is when ya bury them then digem up about age 25.

They are four year olds in big bodies for awhile. I love teens. If we can keep a sense of humor, and just love the stinkers, it will be ok.

I would say, well that is your job to hate everything. I love you honey! They will grown, be grossed out but they inside feel safe cuz mom will stay strong while I go thru this bolony. They need us to stay the same. Still not put up with the profanity or rudeness!

Hey it is ok they feel what they feel, but we have to teach them how to treat us.

Ignore what they say, watch what they do. Hey kiddo the living rug is sprouting, please vacumm. Ignore what they say.

Once we really learn the tools of humor, I am not kidding it makes things sooo much easier.

They come in the door all crabby and snitty. Give ya a dirty look or ignore you. I say, Hi mom! whats for dinner, oh stir fry. and smile. Believe me they walk away thinking we are weird BUT also they realized we just love the little snots. lol

Its their job to pull away,but they don't get it. One day they are holding your hand in the parking lot. Next day its mom don't talk to me when I am at school and you see me.

lol I have said, oh its ok I know i am your favorite mom. I did this with A also, its one thing that made him smile.

To me its no unlike a wild dog who has been abused and wants to bite, strike out. Not becuz they are mean, but they are scared.

Kids are like that. My way is to give them space but just enough love and guidance to tick them off a little. lol

They have a lot. we have so many wants. What is important is to separate needs from wants. Hey they slam doors, door comes off their room. They don't get their cloths in hamper, cloths don'tget washed.

consequences need to fit the behavior. They hate what you cooked, ok that is their choice, there is p butter and jelly and bread, make yourself a sw. Gotta pick your battles.

It can be such a fun time. we gotta lighten up. they need us to stay calm. They need us more than any other time to mellow out, be there for them and do not react.

I know you will be ok. Keep coming! Make sure YOU are ok!

hugs,love,debilyn

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Just saw the rage thing. Ok they have so many hormonal changes and so much energy. If they are adhd they need constant stimulation. thus ritalin. If he won't take his meds for adhd then get him coke or pepsi stuff with caffiene. be better to get stuff with out the sugar but he won't drink it Ritalin is basically like speed. caffeine actually works to the good for them.

I am telling you what has worked for all my boys is skiiing, motorcycles, horses, very physical things. Guitars, skateboards.

fishing, backpacking etc.

As far as sex and drugs, I am sure he has all the info already. so that is in his hands. all I can say to them is please make good choices. many times they won't. And we pray they survive. They need us to be their foundation their place to land. They need us to listen, to come pick them up drunk or whatever and not say a word. they know when they blow it.

Hugs hugs,deb

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

When your son sees you put up with BS from you BF, he takes a cue. I am not saying there is an easy answer...It's just something to be aware of.

You don't have to let either of them tread on you.

Also, your son is not an addict...at least not yet. Furthermore, the defiance and weed smoking is not ADHD, that is delinquency and it requires it's own interventions.

I do very much feel for what you are going through as it sounds like you are just a very caring person getting the short end of the stick here.

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

good news is you're in the right place.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.