Door left unlocked - Al-Anon Family Group

danni · Senior Member

Door left unlocked

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

This is one of those very tough, I want to say something to prove a point, but I also want to make sure that my little people are safe moments.

Are you able to make sure that your littles are safely asleep and not likely to go out the door?

I've woken up mornings to unlocked doors, since during the week it's only us and the dog this is something that I have yet to say anything about. I just thank HP for keeping us safe through the night.

Hugs to you!!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Danni,

There are some really great reads about motives in c2c the one that has spoken to me most is on page 310. If you have c2c I would encourage you to read that page and really think about your motives and what this situation means to you. I find when my motives are clean and clear the words provide themselves.

Hugs P :)

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

I heard somewhere, to say something once is to inform the person.. to say it over and over in a way as which to make them feel bad is trying to control them and nag at them. I don't know if this helps but I liked the advice.

nyc018 · Senior Member

Hi Danni - I see nothing wrong in stating your concerns in a calm and factual way. This is about safety, and wanting your doors locked at night is totally reasonable. It doesn't have to turn into an argument or a discussion about his drinking - you just want to protect your boundaries and make sure your kids are safe.
Sending you support!
nyc

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Asking him to make sure the door is locked is fine , just no lecture thats the hard part for me . your concern for your kids is normal .

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

One time when my loved one was drunk, he stole our neighbors tool box (something with many expensive tools in it). He did it at a time when the man was out of town. He thought it was a great idea when he was drunk. I did react but then went to an alanon meeting, got some great suggestions from my sponsor and others there and came home, my loved one had passed out by then, and in the morning I simply said "you stole the neighbors tool box last night, I know that you know what you need to do about that. And I expect you to do it right now before the neighbor knows it is gone." He left the bed right then, went out and put it back where it belonged. I am sure that it was quite embaressing for him to know he did that, but I left it with him to take care of. I guess all I am saying is that putting things simply and making sure I know my motives helped in my situation :)

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I am sure you have another door. I would go get a lock that ya slip a padlock through. Then lock it and keep the key.

If he asked I would say, I lock the door when I go to bed. I get up in the morn, and is it unlocked again. I need to know the kids are safe.

Period. this is my experience with this type of A concern.

If they are using they are not sane. We have to be the sane ones and protect the kids.

debilyn (for me it was my animals)

KimK · Veteran Member

My husband, when sober, is obsessive about the doors being locked at night....which is fine. It's good to be safe, but if I accidentally leave it unlocked, I sure hear about it. But I have gotten Up in the morning with both doors open and the air conditioner on, but of course, when he does it...its fine. Keep your kiddos safe.

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

I think it is fine to discuss the behaviours, but don't lecture on the possible reason for the behaviour (ie he was drunk).

danni · Senior Member

Thanks everyone! This site is amazing. I quietly mentioned ONE TIME that the doors were left unlocked. He quickly apologized, and that was that. My motives were clear, and it felt good to be clear and calm. Thanks again! All your input helped me clarify my thoughts and feelings. Keeping it simple! :)

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