The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so thankful for the experience that everyone here shares! Friday night I arrived home and my AH was super frustrated over the internet and trying to get a movie to play and the pauses. He called the help desk and another help desk and the first call was ok the second I cringed.
I was in the kitchen making cookie dough, so I was finishing up, stayed quiet. I realized that I had to stay on my side of the street for this one. I didn't agree with his actions but I remained calm and focused. He tried to start with me, and I simply said I am concentrating on what I am doing.
Saturday we had a great day together. I debated on whether or not to say anything regarding the phone call the night before but for this time I simply handed it to HP and let go. I did not feel that I was to bring this up to AH.
Sunday we were having his daughter's mom and her boyfriend over for lunch to dialogue about the future. I had prayed all weekend, and I believe a shot or 2 may have been had. When he drinks, he can be awful, and sometimes not. I did not ask I simply once again handed it to HP. I did not say anything about how to act I simply continued to go about preparing. Lunch went extremely well.
Last night the dog trainer came back for the 2nd visit. We had set the appointment for 5pm. AH started drinking, if he hadn't already been I really don't know. I so badly wanted to text the trainer and try to explain that AH has been drinking or cancel or cover. Instead I once again handed it to HP, and kept my mouth shut. I did my best to not be stressed.
Because I handed it over, and did my best to remain calm. We had another really wonderful session with our trainer. AH could have been rude or could have been confrontational but last night he was not. I have said many many many thanks that both opportunities yesterday went the way that they did.
I knew that I had to let go. I knew that whatever his actions they would not reflect on me. I knew that I have to allow life to happen and I can't avoid the consequences or try and avoid the what if's.
It's so very hard because I like to do everything right. I like to know that I'm liked. I don't like confrontation. I really dislike rudeness. I also know that in both situations I am responsible for me. It's up to him to mind (or not) his own behavior.
Inspiring! My AH drank last night after I went to sleep (I can smell it this morning), so this helps me remember to hand it over and enjoy my morning. Thanks and great progress!
It helped me to remind myself that I can't control him. I reminded myself that he's going to do what he's going to do but what am I going to do. Usually if I smell something that is not my favorite smell I light candles to help eliminate that smell! That's what I choose to do
Beautiful. Jackie, please read my post on serenity. You and I have alot in common. Before Al-Anon I thought I was reflected in my AH's behaviors and I wanted so bad to please everyone and make sure everyone liked me. Now I see that #1 I don't care what others think of me because I am alright with myself and my HP and #2 what my AH does is him, not me.
You and I are growing together and its truly inspirational. I can read your posts and feed off of them. Giving it up to God is one of the most free-ing experiences. Sometimes I will quite literally put my arms out, take a deep breath, and repeat let go and let God. Before I came to Al-Anon someone saying that would feel so corny to me but now i get it. I have experienced what one would call a spiritual awakening and the whole world looks different to me now.
((Jackie11))
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
This is real progress. It is wonderful when we start learning to let go and let them be responsible for their own behavior. It puts it on them and we are free to save our energy for the things that are really ours. Good for you!
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
What great progress you have made and working such a wonderful program thank you so much for the share!!!!!
Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Oh how I thank you for taking the time to write this one!! I soooo needed to read this one right now!! As i know u have been reading and commenting on my posts as well. My abf has came home... And is sitting on the couch just watching tv... All his stuff packed a few feet from him and hes just sitting there watching tv.... In these times its easy to forget the tools we learn.. So thank u for writing this because now it reminds me that I to can turn it over to my hp/his hp...... What a big help sharing does!!!
