The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's a good day to be me. Some AA guys tried to tell me I was not "keeping it simple enough" because I was talking of my spiritual awakenings. The beautiful thing about Al-Anon is that it taught me that it's okay to just live and let live. They can disagree with me, I will simply stop talking about it. My program and progress is between my HP and me. For the first time in my adult life I am truly happy, believe there is a God who loves me and all people, and am actually 'keeping it simple.' One of the best pieces of advice I ever received in Al-Anon is this.. what someone thinks of me is none of my business. I love that. It frees my mind. If they think their way of working the program is better than my way.. that is perfectfly fine because that is their business.. haha...
Its snowy and beautiful here, I got all bundled up this morning and walked to the coffee shop. I also moved back into the old house today. My AH is home from rehab. We talk the program now and we talk spiritually, we have never been this way before.. it is on a different level. But the greatest part is that I am not worrying or wondering about his progress. I have let go and let God and it is truly the most serene experience I have ever known.
I have been working steps 4-7 in my journals and w/ my sponor and I shared my character defects with a couple other people because why not??.. and the amazing thing is the more I ask God to remove my shortcomings.. the more I feel the relief.. I'm not even trying not to do them.. I'm just not. hotrod told me I don't need to ask for any positive traits because the positives are in you.. just pray for the removal of the negative and the positive will shine through.. something along those lines.. well i really want to thank her for her advice because it has helped me a great deal
For the first time ever I can truly say that I KNOW there is a HP who loves me and that has made me love myself.. all my past flaws and mistakes.. everything that led me to this point.. I love. I can look at pictures now of me and my AH.. I may assume that he is high as a kite in the picture and before this made me feel as if my life with him was a lie.. but the funny thing is.. I don't feel resentment or anger like I used to.. I feel like.. it was what it was and it brought me to this moment. right here, this day, with my coffee mug and my boots, ya know... walking to the coffee shop.. just me and my HP.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
;0) great progress Michelle can you imagine that you would feel this way??
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thanks so much for yur uplifting message. You are correct. Reading the Steps and working them we discover that we NEVER ask HP to give us anythingg We are only requesting that he remove some of the destructive tools we have installed to cope with life. These tools worked for a while and then stopped--=== Now YOU have found new constuctive tools to live by and Faith in HP is at the top of the list.
Woke up today happy as a clam again.. I took a walk and prayed for a good while... the message in ODAAT book is EXACTLY what I have been feeling lately. Its amazing how God puts these signs in front of you but unless you have your eyes and ears open.. you miss them over and over again. Once I learned to throw my hands up, live and let live, let go and let God, and truly just stay in the moment I discovered life does not have to be so complex and so painful... the complaints, the power struggles, the agonies of every day hum drum were never what they seemed to be.. the world is a beautiful place when you draw near to God and let him fill your being. I owe my faith to Al-Anon and my AH's destructive life style that led me in this direction. I am so happy. I appreciate everyone's comments.. you people inspire me.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I know this feeling Michelle and I am so happy you are finding it, too. This recovery thing is awesome and really does work with help from each other and a loving HP.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I am finding self care so much easier every day. For me that was a huge block because of course I really wanted someone else to do it. I know a routine helps and I am working to establish one.
I think its wonderful you can see the good side of coming here. Certainly I was in enormous pain before I was willing to take any suggestions at all. Certainly I felt my stubborness held me all together so I'm a bit averse to saying it was actually bad it was just at a certain point not that helpful.
I think one of the issues about a fourth step is that we can keep doing it at different levels. We can also keep reprocessing our childhood and events and seeing them in a different light.
For me personally it has to be a balance of living in the moment and planning for a future. Certainly despite my dreams really in reality I expected not to have one with the ex A. The only real expectation I had with him was absolute disaster and total extinction.
Girl, I don't know if you've been told yet, but God is absolutely in love with you, He wants to flirt with you all day, and has like this hugh crush on you!
What He loves the most is having that simple cup of coffee with you in the mornings... He smiles and is overjoyed when you talk to Him as you start your day.
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
John, your post made my eyes water. haha. but I am real emotional lately, I cried while listening to a Jack Johnson song the other night. Thank you all who read my post and share, I said it before, and I'll say it again.. you people inspire ME.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
