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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Parent's Handbook To Stop Home Visit AWOLs: Part I
Post Info TOPIC: Parent's Handbook To Stop Home Visit AWOLs: Part I
Generic Writer


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Parent's Handbook To Stop Home Visit AWOLs: Part I
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Many parents ask what they can do to stop their child from AWOL'ing while on a home visit from a residential treatment center (RTC).  It's a great question, considering it's the biggest fear and reality facing every parent in that situation.

Heres the answer:  Nothing.  That's it.  Nothing.

Short of literally locking your child in his or her room, or placing a guard at the windows, there is NOTHING a parent can do.

More importantly, though, there is nothing that a parent should do.

My son was at an RTC for almost two years.  His first home visit (during Thanksgiving) was after one year.  That's not a typo.  One year.  And he AWOL'd the minute he came home (more about that later).

With that said, I don't need to qualify my son's level of resistance (and resentment) about following a program or abiding by rules.  The only reason he didn't AWOL from the RTC itself was because it was located in the middle of a faraway state and he had no money or friends willing to drive there to get him.

By the time of my son's visit, I was already working a solid Al-Anon program.  I attended meetings weekly, I had a sponsor, and I became familiar with the foundation of the program.  One of the many Al-Anon tenets are the 3 Cs:  "I didn't cause it.  I can't cure.  I can't control it."  It was a hard concept to grasp, but it seeped in slowly over time.

Up to the point of my sons visit, I had heard all sorts of suggestions from parents such as hide his shoes, bolt the windows, lock the cell phone.  But, as I learned over time, that, in essence, is trying to control my son's disease--like hiding bottles from an alcoholic or candy from an overeater.  They are diseased, liars, resourceful, and adept at getting their end result, and what took me a long time to learn (the hard way), is that the ONLY person who can actually control my son and his disease is my son.

The watershed moment and epiphany came during a parent conference at my sons RTC.  I spoke with my son's addiction counselor (who was/is an addict himself).

"What can I do to stop my son from taking drugs?" I asked him.

He simply said...

[Click Here To Read More...]

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rosielee


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you are right- unfortunately yu cant make somone stop- all you can do is pray like mad. and it helps not to enable too- to buy their drug f choice and keep them in their habit. if they are going t recover...then it will be off of their own back and free will ENTIRELY

i think keeping busy is good though.....but even that wouldnt work on someone who is hell bent on NOT doing the work that entails getting clean and staying clean.

in my persoonal experience....being an ex myself...and knowing MANY old timers that were on stuff...most of us are free of it now, its my experience that people do find it in the end. not all...of course...but most do.

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rosie
Jen


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This gives any Al-Anon parent some things to think about whether their kids are addict or not.

Thank you so much for sharing.


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~Jen~

"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Debilyn


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Welcome to mip. At first I thought,"oh geez someone trying to sell a book on our site again." lol

I am sooooo pleased you are sharing you esh! It is very valuable and humbling for you to do so!

For me the kids are the hardest ones to use our tools with. We have to let go and allow them to make their own choices. YES it is hard. My son is 35 doing great but I still want him to come home. My daughter will just off and go to Cabo on some green turtle bus, then she upped and went to Europe. DAughter please come back home., she is 36 lol

Our instincts are so strong to protect them. Then if we have an A or a kid with a drug problem we have to learn to let go.

My kids are not A thank their genes. But son got into drugs and got put into a great survival school. He did me and himself proud.

Anyhooo glad you found us!!! love,debilyn and I hope your son is ok!

 



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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Parent's Handbook To Stop Home Visit AWOLs: Part I