The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My wife called me in the last hour to ask if I could pick up our daughter from preschool. She said she knows she is extremely vulnerable for a relapse today (she's been sober just over a month) and is asking for help. She also called her sponsor and her therapist. She is reaching out and working her program so well and I am very very proud of her.
But I'm also very scared. This is new territory for her, and for me. I'm not proud to think this but there is a part of me that is wondering if she's just manipulating the situation, just setting up her next opportunity to binge. She can say "hey, I tried, I really did. At least I tried before giving in and that makes it not as bad as last time". I am wondering if she already has a bottle at home?
But I know this is a good thing, and I know it is a very clear sign of progress.
My two cents..... even if it does turn out to be slightly manipulative, she is moving within her recovery.... wheels are turning in there, and that is a good thing.... Sounds to me like she is "hanging on for dear life, and trying to stay sober", and I hope she is doing all of this with honest intentions...
T
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
She did indeed have a bottle at home, which was empty. It's amazing how easily the lying happens, how she can simply say to me "I made it through the day without drinking" with a sense of pride in her voice.
How long has the disease been running in your and your wife's life Usetobe? I'm thinking about how my expectations and assumptions and fears use to set me right at the edge of the crevase and I'd start to become a fortune teller or projector of failure. I had to get it into my mind, heart, feelings and behaviors that we didn't reach that state of alcoholism over night and we wouldn't find recovery over night either. Good that you brought it to the board and I hope you also have a sponsor and lots of Al-Anon literature around. That is what helped me time and time again and still does. I've read my way out of trouble more times than I could count...going to the index on whatever book I was reading and looking up the subject readings for where I was at for ESH.
