Dear Rara - i'd stand with you if I could. How is your lawyer? is he going to be there? The one lawyer I talked with I would willingly let him do all the speaking for me in a situation such as yours - and that's what his job is, isn't it? You will survive, whatever the outcome - Keep us posted!

For me, safety is first. I hear your concerns about the firearms - this is serious. Part of "change the things I can" is to be safe, including me and people who need help like kids). You can gauge the danger you're in. As Jackie said, if you think your home isn't safe, please go somewhere else. You will know more after tomorrow's event. It will get better.

I think the legal system is pretty hard to navigate.  Nevetheless if your now Ex tries to harass you the fact is you have navigated the system and that stands you in good stead.

For so many of us getting free is a long long drawn out process.

I had to work on not knowing what the ex A was doing.  I could be enmeshed so very easily.

I could also feed my rate and resentment and I had to work to stop that.

For me the ex A was one of many many people who hurt me.  Letting go was very very difficult. Somehow navigating through a system that seemed unsympathic, inefficient, unwieldly, resistent and often incredibly frustrating helped in the letting go.  I know since he ran into so many concrete brick walls in getting to me that it also meant he had to go off and act out somewhere else. 

Needless to say the ex didn't stop drinking and using. He didn't stop acting out.  What changed was that he couldn't do it to me anymore.  I was also able to get to the point where I said I mattered more than he did.

Maresie.

Here there is a womens group who always comes and sits in during this type of proceeding.

You might want to ask if there is one present. They can walk you to your car etc.

I took a meth addict tenant to court and the idiot was coming towards me right in front of the judge. he had his head down, seemed bored. I yelled JUDGE!! JUDGe!!!!dipstick.

The deputy walked me to my car.

Do you have a friend or someone who would go with you? You have very right to be protected. I agree. sadly the way things are they have to wait until something happens before they can do anything. Thats why we have women and men in prison for protecting themselves!!

Hey get a permit to carry a weapon. I found out my rights to carry and how to carry. I want to take my dogs to the river and feel safe.

I am with you dear lady. let us know how it goes and how you are! love,debilyn

I feel so blessed, I finally decided to go to the police when my AH tried to prevent me from leaving-no hands but I did feel threatened and THIS time he did not have a gun. The magistrate gave me a temporary no contact-3 days, followed by a 15 day no contact-basically no questions asked. When we went back AH had started going to meetings and stopped drinking, so it was changed to one with contact-a year-basically no family abuse and he can not opossess weapons-guess that ruins his hunting season. Now he is home, technically sober and angry-os its ODAT. Hang in there-maybe get in touch with some woman's groups that can help. (((()))))

Thanks everybody! " Keep Calm and Carry On" is literally the wording on a holiday card box set I bought spontaneously this year. And now this is the second time somebody's said to read, " When Bad Things Happen to Good People."

It's so funny, this whole circus has been not about knowing what the ex RA is doing, but on keeping him out and away! Gosh dang it I meant what I said when I said "no contact."

fyi I had an attorney with me, and my ex did NOT show up, thank HP for small favors!!! This did not mean that I wasn't jumping out of my skin every time somebody came into the room. Alas as I mentioned I got a "stay away" order instead of a regular restraining, due to the fact that I haven't literally been beat, etc...However what was really interesting is my attorney said my ex creeped him out, [ they met for paperwork ] and even based on paper evidence only the judge seemed wary too. I got the feeling the judge also wasn't too keen on the difficulty in arguing for a regular restraining order in this case. He took extra time at the end and said he hopes this order calms things down for me. He also told me to call the police if my ex cropped up, and asked me if I knew if my ex was taking care of himself. [ I didn't. ] This judge wasn't a warm n' fuzzy type guy, he had the most concern for my case of all the others during our time slot. Seeing people react this way to my ex makes me feel waaay less unsure of myself regarding this situation.

Fingers crossed things quiet down. You guys are wonderful, and do ping me if anybody here has to go through this process. I can give many cents of biased opinion ;)

xo
rara avis