His first day back to work - Al-Anon Family Group

CamaroGirl · Member

His first day back to work

nyc018 · Senior Member

Hi Camaro,
I think the best thing you can do for both of you is not make a big deal out of it. Hopefully in rehab he got some useful tools that will help him through these first few days. As our moderator Tom says "he either will drink or he won't, what are you going to do?" Try to keep it simple and take the pressure of yourself to "do" anything. It sounds like you are being supportive as is. But remember to take care of yourself too!
In support, nyc

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

One of the best things to do is back away from it totally. Its his disease, his decisions to make.

If he uses again he does. If we love them as is, accept them as is,then it just does not matter. We go on with our life and stop watching over them.

There is no sense in your getting sick too. I stopped even talking about it with my AH. I could not control any of it so why talk about it.

I know if I was put on a strict way of eating for my health I would not want anyone but me involved in it. If I blew it, I did. But its no ones business but my own.

I sure would not want anyone else in my business. I am an adult, I make my own decisions like this.

If I had cancer, I would not want anyone asking me about it. I don't want to share my beliefs about the treatments or anything. In fact I am sure I would not share it with anyone. I don't believe in chemo or radiation or any of it.

I have researched it and no thank you. It is MY choice, just like it is up to him how to take care of his disease.

He will do better if we stay out of it. Makes him stronger. If we lean on others when it comes to being an A, it makes us weaker. An A needs to grow and mature, meet challenges on their own to learn from them.

Hugs hugs to you. What would help him is to see you happy, taking care of you and not allowing his disease to change how you feel about him or see him. hugs, debilyn

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

As you have already probably read you have to take care of you, and know that whatever he decides you can't control it.

What Debilyn said about "What would help him is to see you happy, taking care of you and not allowing his disease to change how you feel about him or see him." This is actually, for me, the hard part, not letting the drinking and pot affect how I feel about him.

Hugs to you, sending support in your journey!!

CamaroGirl · Member

Thank you for your responses. It does make sense the way you have explained it Debilyn. He is an adult, he makes his own decisions. He's not a child for me to watch over. Last night he told me he was so scared of failing. He wanted me to tell him that "I" wouldn't allow him to fail. But I can't be there like a mother making sure he doesn't stumble and fall. You are right, he will be stronger doing it on his own. And today was that first step, getting out in the real world again since rehab, testing his strength and will. Just one day at a time, for us both!

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