The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i tend to at times or most times when he is sober get all wrapped up in him cause i love him so much,but i do indeed need to work on my own happiness and like my freind told me the other day that i do need to not stop what im been doing before he came back into my life like going to church and visiting with my freinds but he is my best freind we r each others best freind as he says ,i admit i am scared,lol i need my all my alanon tools back in sight.im scared of marrying him cause my states law says u cant make them leave if yur married.that sux,right now i have the uppper hand and he sooo knows how i feel about his drinking i just understand y he wants to stick around me,lol knowing that if and when he messes up i kick him out everytime in a min.i just dont know where this relationships going and like he says he is trying to bo better but i say one drink is way to much for him.he thinks 3 16 oz beers is doing gr8t for him,on no am i setting myself up for another huge disappointment?need esh,,,ive got lots of alanon books ,,courage to change ,one day at a time getting them sober,and others,,anymore esh anybody any would be most appriciated here cause i feel like im carrying this alone,ive got the ifs i know or what ifs.....hugs and more hugs lookingup
Have you ever seen the movie Eat, Pray, Love? It is my favorite and it helped me through a tough time in my past relationship. It isn't really Al-anon, but it helped me while I was waiting for my copy of "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews to come. I am sending you love, prayers, support and courage!
-- Edited by Breakingfree on Monday 28th of November 2011 07:46:55 PM
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
You are certainly not in this alone. Al anon is a big fellowship of people who understand exactly where you are coming from.
I did not marry the ex A but in so many ways I was far more committed to him than he ever was to me. He knew the exact words that could pull me in time after time.
I really had to throw myself into the program and let go of all my ideas. The pain had to get to be a really big thing before I was wiling to do that.
Counselling also helped me. I got a counselor who could listen and acknowledge and brain storm with me. I was so very lucky.
Eventually I had to do everything that was suggested in the program, get a sponosr, check in a lot. I posted here day and night. I kept on about it. I also got really honest about what was going on rather than try to make it pretty. None of it was.
Controlling their drinking is not something that generally works. Harm reduction does seem to help some poeple but the underlying issue is that if they drink they are still every bit as much of an alcoholic. I know I lived around alcoholics who drank less, their life got marginally better but underneath they still did not deal with anything at all. They felt that their reduction was huge however. For some people the road to sobriety is indeed through harm reduction. Some poeple go through multiple relapses. Some don't. There is no set path.
The issue has been for me that setting boundaries around someone with substand abuse issues is incredibly difficult. They don't respond well to them...in general. They may have grown up with no boundaries or in a very controlling situation but boundaries definitely are a huge trigger. Living around that is incredibly difficult and there got to be a time where I was no longer willing to wear that. Nevertheless I did have to go the boundary route for a long long time in order to come to that conclusion.
Books definitely help but in time I had to live, eat breathe the program. I had to ask for help and be willing to work on suggestions. I was certianly for so so long trying to do it my way and that didn't work that well.
