I messed up ... - Al-Anon Family Group

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I messed up ...

Overcome · Senior Member

We all mess up at times Pushka. about two years ago I was going through a divorce and posted on this site regularly about what was going on, never thinking that my ex-husband would be reading my posts, but reading them he did (he found out about my nick in much the same way you described). I am sorry for hurting him, but like you said, "they were my feelings and I don't know how to talk any other way." Private messaging for a period sounds like a good idea though.

Love and hugs,

Overcome

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

People do talk this way Pushka. They talk this way in meetings, help groups, and in therapy...There is a context for everything. I'm pretty open about myself on here too and I do it knowing that, on the whole, it benefits me more to be a transparent person than to have any secrets. I tend to get very sick when I have secrets. Given that, I have not seen you sharing anything so so so horrible about your husband or family, and nothing identifiable. But...I totally respect whatever decisions you have about the board that you have made for you and your family :)

danni · Senior Member

Oh Pushka, please be gentle on yourself. I have found your posts to be kind, understanding, insightful, and compassionate. I am offering you lots of support today. I'm glad for you that you, your marriage, and your kids have benefitted from your work and recovery. We come here to take care of ourselves, and that is exactly what you have been doing. Easy does it. Your higher power will be with you as you get through this. xo

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Awwwwwww Pushka! What do you mean? "I messed up really bad."

I have read just about every post that you have written. I see no intent of hurting anyone. You were expressing your feeling. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Let your HP be your guide. I await with eagerness for your return!

nyc018 · Senior Member

Hi Pushka, I agree with what everyone has said - please be gentle on yourself. I've gotten a lot from your posts and always appreciate your candid style. And I never found anything that could be considered hurtful by any means. We all need a means to vent to others who can understand. Please take care of yourself. Sending you esh, nyc

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

Sometimes I wish my ex would read the stuff I've written but the second part of that wish is that it would make a difference, make the lightbulb go on over his head and in his heart and he would finally truly see what damage the drinking has done to someone who loved him so fiercely.

If anything Pushka, I've always felt you trying very hard to word your posts to NOT be hurtful to anyone.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Pushka))))) doing the very best with what she has and helping lottsa people on her journey. Progressing huh? smile

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

You have received so much ESH already. I've never felt that you have overshared, you try and be positive and encouraging and I've always been so thankful for you on here. I'm so sorry that something has come up and I'm sending hugs and support.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I invite you to look at it in a different way.

We come here to our HOME and let things out. We all know we may feel different the next day. But we needed to share.

If someone chooses to read it that knows you, THEY are responsible for how they take it, how it makes them feel.

We are NOT responsible for anyone elses feelings. We cannot control them.

You going away is not going to do anything but break your recovery. Its no different than you ending a friendship becuz someone overheard you two talking!

Part of our illness is keeping them inside, hiding things which is very sick behavior. We are to take care of us. So apparently your sharing is good for you. I have seen you grow and grow. Love hearing about things, you put things in such a loving light. If someone wants to take offense that is their problem not yours.

It's like if a person chooses to pick up someone jounal and read it, then they better be prepared for what they read.

Hey did you tell them where it was at, then duct tape their eyes open then use a cattle prod to get them to read it????

Just like we cannot stop an A from using, we cannot stop others from choosing to read what we share.

Pushka I have often told you, YOU are very very importan to our family and board here.

It is up to you to decide. Are you going to stay where you are loved and welcomed, can share whatever you need to with out us complaining, or are you going to hide like you are ashamed of what your heart feels?

Friends need each other. I need you right here. You need you right here too. Hugs my friend,debilyn

PS I have learned to keep it simple. To that person I would say. This was between me and my HP period. and not say anything but that.

-- Edited by Debilyn on Monday 28th of November 2011 04:25:03 PM

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I can't add anything better than what I already read, that is what is so wonderful about our supportive MIP family! Take it easy on yourself, we don't personally know your family and if you come here to vent that is what we are here for, not to judge anyone. I have found serenity here and in meetings, it is a great place. You have helped me grow and recover here. Keep coming back! I am sending you love and support on your journey!

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

I kept thinking about this post. Debilyn expressed everything that I've been thinking and got it into words, while they're all still circling for me. Hugs, and be gentle with yourself!!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks all,

I'm not giving up my account as I feel that's just one more way to isolate me. I'm not giving up my meetings either, I feel like I was able to express myself if he heard me or not that is not my issue. I will continue to post however I will have to stick to using my laptop or the PM's if I am on the family computer. I've figured out a few things about the computer as well .. I think it's interesting that I'm no longer snooping he's picked up the habit.

When I originally posted I hadn't had time to really think or to process what had happened. At least I kept my cool the whole time AND I feel very good about how I conducted myself yesterday. The irony of the day has not been lost.

I didn't do anything wrong, ... I did feel that way Sunday night. Which of course is more irony ... lol. I have always felt bad when I've displeased someone else (doesn't matter who it is .. lol) and I feel bad that he is hurting however so not my issue. I have made the amends that I can and that's all I can do.

Hugs P :)

Doozy · Senior Member

Hi Pushka! I just wanted to say that I'm sorry to hear about the conflict in your life and relationship associated with this site. I have so appreciated your postings here over the last few months, can't even tell you how much. Lots of E S & H :) I think you've been kind, compassionate, generous, and wise and I haven't seen you post anything that seemed really disrespectful or mean-spirited. I hope that it works out for you to participate more openly again and maybe it's a good opportunity for your relationship to grow from this new challenge. Anyway, just wanted to express my appreciation for your participation on this wonderful site.

Doozy

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