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I wish I was posting from a happy place this morning but that's not how my day started out My AH works nights so he sleeps till mid afternoon on Saturdays.This morning I found the typical mess in the kitchen,beer bottles and remnants of food he prepared for himself which I'm used to.Then I heard him get up to use the washroom and met him in the hall to greet him,well much to my surprise his face was covered in blood!!! It looked like he had been in a terrible car wreck,although I know that's not possible cause he walks to work (He doesn't drive ,thank you HP!!).
When I asked him what happened to his face he looked at me like I had 2 heads.He had no idea what I was talking about.Finally he remembered that he had opened the door and hit his head.So apparently he decided to just go to sleep,not clean it or anything!
At that moment a wave of fear ran thru me.My aunt had lived this life with her AH.He would fall down and split his head weekly.She was constantly bandaging him up.I don't want to live her life,she has so many regrets now and is generally an unhappy and bitter person...with good reason.
In the past couple of months my AH has been having "date nights", no drinking or anything and we rent movies and order dinner,twice a week but I've noticed in the last month that on the nights when he does drink he actually gets MORE drunk than he used too! He isn't really drinking any more quantity wise just getting so much more intoxicated.
I have no idea where to go from here.I want to talk to him (we have a very open relationship and can openly and frankly discuss his alcoholism) but I'm not even sure how to put this into words.You should see how many times I backspaced just typing this and there is no backspace when verbally communicating LOL!!
I guess I just need some ESH to get me thru this day.Thanks for listening :)
I can relate to your post and I am sorry you are going though this and feeling sad this morning. I hope you can find a meeting this weekend to attend, that always helps me. I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Your story brought back memories of dealing with my AH in his active alcoholism. He constantly had bruises, cuts, scrapes, sprained ankles, all kinds of injuries from falling. Countless times I have come home and he was passed out on front walkway, on the lawn, in the garage - you name it. At first, I would try to get him up. When I knew better, I left him right where he was.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It will certainly get worse before it gets better without help. That said, we have no control over whether or not that help will come. It's totally up to the A. Nothing we do or say will make them drink, or not drink.
I've talked to my AH until I was blue in the face. He didn't stop drinking until he was ready.
I had to learn that the only person I can control is me. So, I became involved in Alanon and put the focus back on me.
Thank you all so much for your words of support I really needed that this morning.His gotten up a couple more times since the inital wake up and seeing the gash on his head just makes me so sad.I've always known he's had a problem,I'm not blinded by love,but this morning I think I just realized how bad it truely is getting.
I am going to try and have a conversation with him on Sunday after he gets nother long night of work out of the way.Hopefully with a little prayer and luck ;) he will see where I'm coming from and how bad this is all getting.
Has anyone else had an issue where when their AH cut down on the amount of days they drank they became MORE intoxicated?? At first I thought it was because he was actually drinking more to make up for the lost day but thats not the case.
Yeah. I did that Mrshen.... For a good long while I was drinking on an every other day schedule, but on those days....I nearly poisoned myself to death each time. I would plan to drink Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday so that I would only have 2 badly hungover days at work (Tues and Thurs). Of course that did not last and I eventually started drinking on all days of the week again...
I know he tries so hard to get a grip on his drinking,that's what makes it so sad.He wants to have a better life but he just isn't ready to admit that he is powerless over alcohol.I know he's in there trying to get out and fighting a good fight.
I am very fortunate that he is open and honest with me and is willing to talk about his drinkng in a frank way.Alot of people don't even have that,I know my Mom didn't.Just trying to b grateful for what I have :)
What pink suggested about praying before speaking is like taking a deep cleansing breath to THINK, is it Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary, Kind. I really try and approach most of my relationships with that idea. Some days are better than others and I'm trying to incorporate it into all of my relationships. There is nothing like life happening and getting in the way .. lol .. today I had a kitten clinging to my leg, trying to schedule a flight from a larger city to my smaller one on the computer. My son asking me questions and at the same time my AH was asking me what is there to eat in the house .. AND I'm on the phone ... needless to say when I'm saying I was capped out and no one is listening not the person on the phone, not my AH, not the kitten and not my son it's highly stressful and frustrating. I'm sure I could have handled that whole situation better however good grief.
Hugs it does get easier. P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I have experienced something like this too. It is terrifying to say the least. Please keep coming back and saying that serenity prayer. Often, live and let live helps me...focusing a lot on the "I need to live" part....and that I cannot control him, but must let him live. It is hard when the issues are right in your face all the time though. I should note that I have seen weird progressions of alcoholism, too--it seems like 1 or 2 beers now and my husband is wasted. Is it that they just cannot process it anymore?
Hi Mrs H - there's a very good book often mentioned on these boards called "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews. One of the things she describes is the stages of alcoholism and the fact that, in the early stages, alcoholics have a higher tolerance. But by the later stage, it takes less alcohol to make them feel the same toxic effects. My AH described it the exact same way as well. So yes, there's definitely a science behind it.
Under the Influence is another book I've heard of as well I don't think it's alanon lit however it really gets into the crux of the brain mechanics of it all. I've recently heard someone mention that one as well. I don't know the author of it. P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Hi! I'm sorry you had such a hard morning. I know, for me, I find the mornings after sometimes the most painful times. It is heartbreaking watching them hurt themselves and try so hard at times. I'm glad for you that you have found al anon, and i am really sending you lots of love and support this morning!! Easy does it.
Thank you all so much for getting me thru the day yesterday! It was tough but I made it and was able to talk to AH tonight.He definitely realizes that things are going astray and he didn't seem impressed. It hurts my heart so much to see him fight so hard and fall backwards but I just have to keep moving along and taking care of me!! Easier said than done ofcourse ;)
Can I please put my AOD Nurses hat on for a moment and just suggest that you could consider getting suggesting he get his liver checked if you think he is more intoxicated on the same amount of alcohol. The liver metabolises alcohol which I am sure you know. Just a thought..
My AH works nights so he sleeps till mid afternoon on Saturdays.This morning I found the typical mess in the kitchen,beer bottles and remnants of food he prepared for himself which I'm used to.Then I heard him get up to use the washroom and met him in the hall to greet him,well much to my surprise his face was covered in blood!!! It looked like he had been in a terrible car wreck,although I know that's not possible cause he walks to work (He doesn't drive ,thank you HP!!).