The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think I have decided to completely remove myself and give my AH time for his own recovery. I don't think I am ready to really accept everything that comes along with the disease. It is so hard for me but I think it might be what's best. It hurts to walk away especially after everything that I have been through with him but I don't think he's ready to work on himself. Of course now that I have left, he promises that things will change and he'll get better but I've heard that before. Too many times...I feel like the puppy that keeps coming back to the abusive owner. I know I'm strong and that I can do this but it just hurts so badly. I'm continuing with my own program in alanon and I hope that it may help my feelings subside....
Yes - Alanon and time will help. With him making promises to change...even if that was true, that would still be just another good reason to give him space. You could even say "Great, I'm going to change and be better too. Hopefully after working on ourselves for a while we will be so much better off together." (meanwhile you just focus on you and keep your expectations of him where you know they logically belong)
I know that it's hard to do. I'm in that situation myself. I separated from my AH while pregnant, and now I have a 3 week old baby and I'm still separated from him. He also needs to work his program, and so do I. Even though he's not drinking, he's still pretty spiritually and emotionally damaged.
You're doing the right thing by continuing to work your program. When we change our behavior, so do others around us.
It sounds like you have made a good decision for you and I'm so glad to hear you are going to continue your own program because it will help.
Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I have been seperated from my partner for 2 months it does get a little easier. I find it easier to look at me when he is not around, and to stop watching and interfering with him. I went to a wedding yesterday and in the vows they said how they wanted to want each other but not need each other. Sometimes a break can be painful but the healthiest thing to do.
I have beeen going to extra meetings, reading more nd using the phone more you are not alone you have all your friends i al anon hugs tracy xxx
Hi Heather, Separating is hard but can be a growth experience as well. I've been separated from AH since July and it has allowed me the freedom to release myself from trying to control things. I'm handing his recovery efforts to him and his HP. I am still close with him since he comes over to see our son. But even when he visits I have to be careful not to fall into old patterns. I have to resist the urge to discuss matters related to his alcoholism too much, and not to allow my resentments to take over (that is my biggest challenge). This can be a good time to give yourself a breather, focus on taking care of yourself, and just plain letting go for a while. Take care and keep coming back, nyc
I am also in this situation Heather. We have separated for about 3 months. It has been a big relief for me and space for us both to work on our own recovery without the massive amounts of guilt and negativity we seem to unleash on each other!! It is a struggle to see him, still--some days I hate him some I love him. I just wait now until it is clear to me what to do in the long run, but I have no real expectations. This was a lot easier in some ways than I imagined, but still--it is hard letting go of a dream! Best wishes to you and I hope you keep trying Al-Anon!
exact same situation here. My AH is in rehab. He is motivated and hopeful. I still have hope for him but I am in a predicament. Someone said on here and then again in a meeting that when its time to make a tough decision you just know. I knew I needed to separate from my AH but i do not know if I need to leave him officially, as in divorce and therefore I am not ready to make that decision so today I choose not to. When I think like this it helps. I broke down today when he called me from rehab (he calls once every few days, we talk for about five minutes.) I cried because I feel so much stress I tried very hard, though, not to bring him down or even talk about the past. There is no point. I felt like my old safe though, crying to him, needing his voice to soothe me. I am trying hard not to need him like that but its progress not perfection and when youre used to it.. its a hard change to make. Hang in there, Heather.... youre working the program. Just keep reading, posting, go to meetings.. cry if you need to. and above all pray for God's will, strength, courage, and hope. it really helps.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
