The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So this is the first week that I'm identifying myself as an "alanon person". I had a major blowout (a drunk night) with my AH on Monday, found this board, thank God, went to my first alanon meeting on Wednesday, and now am having another drunk night with my AH tonight. (Not me; him.) What a week. I'm just exhausted, more than usual!
I'm having a really hard time understanding how he can be so incredibly loving, kind, sensitive to my needs (and others) and seemingly happy one day, and then bitter, anxious and shame-ridden (and drinking) the next. I'm just getting so incredibly run down from this cycle he does.
Earlier in the week I was actually wondering if my AH was 'enough' of an alcoholic, or really an alcoholic at all (?) to warrant me going to alanon - especially when I heard the incredibly sad stories from the other women there who have been dealing with far worse husbands/ situations for years and years... Now I am realizing that I'm in the same boat as them. And it's all a matter of time.
So - How long do I want to be in this relationship as it is now? How long until I realize I'm sinking and need to get some help? How long until he'll magically stop doing this and somehow just be 'better'? It's a very, very tough thing to come to awareness that it's not just going to go away on its own.
welcome to week one. It is interesting how people wonder if it is 'bad enough' to need Al Anon. I agree. I sometimes sit here and read about situations that make me thankful for what I have and wonder what am I doing here.. my life is nothing like that.. then I say... nothing like that anymore... or yet...
I am here for me. I am here because for ME at THIS point in time, it is bad enough. I am disturbed and I get what I need from here.
I also have the opportunity to feel that gratitude and relief that my life is not like it used to be anymore and I feel that gives me a little bit of 'insight' to maybe share with others what it was like for me when I was being abused in a much worse way.
The people here are great. Keep an open mind. I have learned to listen to what people are saying even when I disagree or even at times, get angry at the comments. I am not dismissing anything right away.
I can certainly relate to your situation. Taking it one day at a time is key. I keep coming back to Alanon because it has what I need. Working the 12 Steps with a sponsor is invaluable. Reaching out to other members in between meetings really helps me. This forum is awesome. There is growth and recovery here. This is a great place to vent, listen, share, and learn about yourself and your A husband. Please keep coming back for YOU.
Just keep coming back and keep doing the best you can, it's all about progress not perfection. When I first got here I figured nothing else had worked so give this a shot. I'm grateful I did because it has changed me for the better.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
hi Ladysofblue, I can so relate to your situation too and am glad you are getting help hor yourself - it's never too soon for that. There's no one answer as to how long to stay, but Alanon will help with creating boundaries, sticking to them, and giving you the confidence to decide what you can or can't accept. For me, I had to separate from my AH once it was clear he was falling flat on his face and there nothing I could do to stop the trainwreck. Right now I am trying to take it a day at a time (as best as possible). Wishing you strength and support, nyc
You did not get to alanon by mistake. I firmly believe that anyone that makes it here belongs here - The same as anyone that makes it to AA belongs there too. You actually sound more together than I believe most people would be at week 1. You are just acknowledging the real scope the problem and all those thoughts you stated are pretty normal.
You already received great experience, strength and hope (ESH). I just want to say welcome and I hope you continue with your face to face Al-anon meetings. I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
