The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
metaphysical law of attraction and subject reality.
Just so you know, this is a post of metaphysical ponderings of philosophy that work for me..... some will agree and some will think this is total bolony... take what you like and leave the rest.
Subjective reality is a belief system in which (1) there is only one consciousness, (2) you are that singular consciousness, and (3) everything and everyone in your reality is a projection of your thoughts.
So I pondered this as my HP is more of a metaphysical nature. Point three came to me as this; If my husband and all that he is, is a projection my thoughts, of my subjective reality, then that means that in some part of me, I am smoking pot before work practically every morning. He is reflecting a part of me that I am not congruent with.
If my consciousness is shown in all those around me, then the people who are in my life are elements of myself. I see is as parts of my personality.
Therefore, an abstract thought could be that part of me wants to be smoking before work each day. Thankfully I don't have to because he does that for me, he takes care of that part of my reality therefore I don't have to worry about it. He takes the consequences of those parts of my reality. I go towork and function nicely while he is driven by an addiction. I don't have to be.
What part of me needs to be addressed so that is no longer part of my reality? What part of the reflection do I want to change? I cna take him as a person out of my consciousness, but the reality within me has not changed and I will manifest it differently. Change our thinking and our life will change.... sounds like Al Anon to me.
I see it as a part of acceptance of what he is doing. Rejecting him, scolding him, being angry with him.... the reality is that he is a reflection of me and therefore I am rejecting and scolding myself.
Conflict with 'him' is conflict playing out within me. Perception is reality. Change the way I think and that will be the reality. That is an al anon trait. That doesn't mean he will stop smoking, it means I will accept the part of me that is the smoker.
A similar post in a similar vain was explained differently... my wife is exactly what I wanted her to be. The reality was manifested.
Ponderings of a different nature will be accepted.
The way I see it is that the achoholics in my life have some lesson to give me that I need to learn. Is it compassion? standing up for myself? self love? stopping the enabling? I wish I could learn the whole lesson at once, so I could be done with it! I seem to be getting bits and pieces, but I am getting stonger. I am thankful for the lessons they are teaching me-but sure could use more ease and grace.
Linda - Some of my anger at my ex was in the vain of "Why does he get to be like that and I can't?" In that aspect, some of what you wrote does make sense. That part of you that wants to be desctructive and anti-authoritarian or whatever does identify with his pot use. You can't do it and it doesn't work for you like it does for him. Same way that I can't drink like my ex can (even though it did kind of work in the same way for me).
So yes - you tapped into something broad. He has his coping skills and his set of dealing with problems. They are different than yours. They do not work for you. In many ways you might wish they did work for you. He compliments you in many ways, but at times his way of coping seems at odds with yours. It is also a real possibility that his smoking pot will cease to be a valid coping strategy or way of being but nothing will get him there but his own experience.
Even if he chooses sobriety, you may still be compatible, not just cuz you got what you wanted, but because the two of you share a spiritual bond and a commitment that will help you grow to balance each other out and ideally to support each other in the best ways possible.
Sounds like a path to greater acceptance and serenity.
the way i see things is- we are all seperate people and there is no such thing as this combined conciousness- but we are individuals that link in some way. i do think your post was interesting and thought provoking- i like deep thinkers!! i also think life is FULL of illusions.....for example- women whos husbands turned out to be serial rapists or killers- and yet they lived with them all that time and never had an inkling....sometimes i think- you cant know someone at all and you can place people in the box you want to place them in.