The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I told my SIL that I won't be buying wine for Thanksgiving dinner this year. She's the easiest of my inlaws to tell and I know the news will trickle through the family grapevine. I told my SIL to bring whatever she wanted to drink if she wanted something harder than cranberry punch. My MIL and FIL will get the same info when I see them.
I didn't say why. I didn't offer a long explanation of AH. I just said I wasn't buying.
AH may stock the liquor cabinet, if he sees I haven't. And that's OK.
This will be my first non-drinking Thanksgiving, without being pregnant (obviously I didn't drink during the holidays I was pregnant with our kids), that I have had since AH and I got married over 19 years ago. And I'm really looking forward to it.
He is in recovery right? I would hope he has enough sense to not buy alcohol just to please others while he is that new to sobriety. But alas...that's not something you can control. Sounds like you have a very upbeat attitude and it is refreshing.
I admire your program and only hope that when I need to I will be able to remember that he's either going to drink or not .. it really boils down to what am I going to do.
Hugs p :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
YAY! for you! You didn't explain yourself. That's strength.
My husband has 6 months of sobriety. I am not concerned he will stock the cabinet. However, if a relative comes and has anything harder than apple cider, they will be told to leave it in their car.
ALL relatives invited are well aware of the hardships that alcohol has created in our marriage. So I'd be so surprised if anyone was thoughtless to bring alcohol. But you never know. So I'm prepared if they do.
I hope you have a warm, wonderful Thanksgiving!
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
This reminded me of a long-ago incident. MIL and FIL were tight and never did bring anything or even take us out for a meal when they came to visit. H & I were used to this, nothing unusual. One year they came and they stopped by my parents' on the way. This was about 6 weeks after I had finally realized that H was an A--atypical and it was decades ago when there wasn't much info out there. My mother decided to share the information with them. When they arrived at our house, they were pretty alarmed. MIL's father and two of her siblings were Classical, anybody could tell alcoholics, and MIL had a folk tale about why each of them could not possibly be alcoholics. Disney meets Denial. Anyway, H told them yes, he was, he had been a binge drinker and had had many blackouts and had quit cold turkey. Skip forward one year. MIL and FIL come again, and this time they bring a bottle of wine. (They never had wine in the house--MIL never did drink--found out later it was because she had suffered with grand mal seizures when she was younger.) So that was a little bit hard to figure out. Surely they weren't trying to get him to drink. He didn't btw. I deciphered what was going on in their little minds: No kind, loving, thoughtful and good parent would bring wine to an alcoholic son. They, who saw themselves as kind, loving, thoughtful and good were bringing wine to their son. Therefore, there was No Way their son could be an alcoholic! Really beautiful logic, when you think about it.
Temple
__________________
It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
pinkchip, AH is very active in his addiction. My therapist (specializes in addictions), based on the info I have provided him, says my AH is likely in the late middle stage of alcoholism. Not that labels make any of this better or worse. For my recovery, it helps me to know the progression of the disease: how far it has gone and where it might go.
As my therapist told me when I first started my recovery, "Your husband is probably a late middle stage alcoholic. That means you are in the late middle stage of your co-dependency."
-- Edited by Very Very Tired on Wednesday 23rd of November 2011 12:35:04 PM
VVT, I so like the lessons I learn here. It's very strong that you have decided on a boundary for yourself and communicated it in a way that was kind and firm without explaining. I often catch myself uncertain of what boundary I want, and then going either too hard or too soft when I communicate it. The way you handled this seems very fair and wise to me and I hope that you have a really nice holiday.
Good for you. The alcohol will be flowing this year at my inlaws which is no big deal for me. Like our friend Tom says, they are either going to drink or not, so what are you going to do. I am going to have a great time, love them regardless if they go overboard or not. It is a happy day.
