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Thanksgiving is this Thursday in the US. I'll be honest, as a kid I always dreamed of the big family holidays that they showed on TV or that my friends seemed to have. I have 2 brothers and my Mom and dad. We always had the holiday at my parents house. My parents attitude was anyone could come to our house but we would always be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. When I was young my Grandmother was almost always there too. She was the mother figure in my life - My mom is the A and we are not close.
About 15 yrs ago my oldest brother was diagnosed with severe bi-polar disorder. He is heavily medicated and unable to work. My other brother moved far away with his wife and my grandmother has passed away.
As most of you know my spouse and I are separated and after he blew up and called off our trial back together he wants to kow if there's still a chance. A part of me wants to say enough is enough and sometimes you just can't take back your actions and your words - but of course there's another part of me that just wants to pretend it all away but that's not healthy either. I'm trying to do the just "one day at a time" but there are others involved and plans that have to be made.
Inspite of all of the difficulties I consider my spouse my family no matter what happens. I am going to my parents on Thanksgiving and of course my daughter and I've asked him if he wants to go along too. I'd like him there - I just don't know if it's smart. I know his feelings are his and I'm not responsible for them. This is all just a bit too much for me today.
I'm praying to my higher power - trying to turn it over....put it in her hands.
I'm starting to wonder if there isn't something inately wrong with me that I can't seem to know the right direction to take. I don't really know what's holding me back... but I will continue to take it one day at a time.
I'm stressing big time about the holidays too. Thanksgiving is over for us but I'm worried about Christmas. My husband didn't want to go to my parents for Thanksgiving and he wont want to go for Christmas either so I'm wondering what do I do? Also my H says he doesn't want any presents (my mom has asked for our christmas lists). I asked if I could get him one and he said yes but under $10. I really don't want to deal with this. I'm sad that he doesn't want to participate with my family but I'm mad that he puts me in the position of having to chose. And what do I say to my parents and my grandma if I go and he's not with me? i am trying to give this up to my HP but people like to make plans for the holidays. It's hard to go ODAT when people want to know what's happening. I really need some help with this.
Do be gentle with yourself and something that I always remember is if people around me are doing the "change back" maneuvers and manipulations then whatever I'm doing must be working for me and the "right direction". It really sounds like YOU are moving in the right direction. You didn't buy what he was selling and I bet that was a shock to his system. You said what you meant and you weren't mean.
Thanksgiving is still two days away and while plans do need to be made fretting about what might or could happen isn't going to make you feel any better. I encourage you to keep the focus on you and let him do what he's going to do. When I have found myself in these situations in the past I always have a back up plan, meaning .. I take my own vehicle that way if I need to leave then I am free to do so. I get claustrophobic in large crowds in tight spaces. This way though if my AH is having a good time I don't feel guilty that I really need to go and he's not ready to leave. Usually the kids stay with him so I get a little down time and can relax on my own.
There is nothing wrong with you outside of the fact there are some very high emotions running around loose so just be easy on yourself and don't worry about the things you can't control.
Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I have bipolar disorder & have managed it for over 25 years now. I hope your brother learns how to manage his disorder & the stigma that sometimes comes w/ it.
It is a stressful time of year with expectations in general. Good plan to put it in HP's hands. Take care of yourself and know you are not alone! I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Amills ~ You have been through so much recently. It's no wonder it's hard to know what to do. That doesn't mean anything innately wrong with you! You have the best possible plan to turn it over to your higher power and continue forward with love in your heart and your eyes wide open. I hope that you and your daughter have a good holiday and maybe more healing and clarity will come out of all this.
