"I'm feeling vulnerable today" - Al-Anon Family Group

usedtobeanyer · Senior Member

"I'm feeling vulnerable today"

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

I just wanted to share you are doing an amazing job as a father. Just keep taking the next right action, one day at a time.

In support,

Tommye

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

Looks to me like she's beginning to see the cycle, and that's progress. Recovery can be a slow awakening. She may still go there, but each time, she may realize, "I keep hurting myself." My recovery was gradual, I kept forgetting the pain and humiliation of the last time, I kept practicing my addiction until I got sick and tired of hurting myself and had to admit utter defeat if I wanted to stay alive... but, admittedly, some days, I just didn't care if I stayed alive.

Dont' forget to read the Big Book, it's so helpful to understand the disease, the emotional, physical and spiritual bankrupcy... how cunning, baffling and powerful the disease is... And read the personal stories, which always inspire me and help deepen my faith.

Do what you have to, to take care of yourself and your kids.... but remember not to take her disease personally ((my friend)) Hopefully, she'll continue to see the downward spiral ... it all starts with the first "think" and she seemed to catch that today.

Remember the first 3 steps and make it a good day for YOU.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs,

I can't imagine how hard this is for you, it must have caused a great deal of anxiety in you to hear that from her as you were leaving for work. WOW those are some pretty powerful words from her to you. I actually mean that in a really positive way. Stick to your program, take care of what is in your best interests (the children's best interest will follow automatically), and let her do what she needs to do. The fact she shared is an amazing thing and as hard as it is .. addicts have feelings of hurt, vulnerability, anger that have nothing to do with us. When I can step back and see what my AH has shared recently and see none of it was about me, he's doing the best he can. All I have to do is continue to do the best I can focusing on my part in any given situation and leave him to deal with his own part in any given situation.

You are a great dad, .. this has to be gut wrenching to be worried about something that is either going to happen or not going to happen, you'll know what to do as your HP guides you through the day. I hope you find peace today, I will keep your family in my prayers.

Hugs, P :)

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Usedtobe

Since becoming a member of alanon and attending meetings, I have discovered that many people have such different meaning to words and various statements. I used to assume that I completely understood what people meant by their statements but have been proven wrong very many times.

Now I ask What do you mean by vulnerable.? Believe it or not it opens up new Avenues of communication and new problem solving techniques.

Feeling Vunerable is not in itself a BAD thing. If "Feeling Vulnerable" to her means she may drink and she states that then you can arrive at a solution and not imagine what she is talking about. That would go along with "Do not worry."

These general terms are deadly for me I need them defined so "I do not worry"

Keep on sharing and showing up for yourself You are worth it.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Wow!! the teacher/oldtimers are hear...I'm gonna listen.

Usetobe your post caused me to hope that your wife might take that statement to another recovering alcoholic for feedback and support. It could happen.

I'm listening. ((((hugs)))) smile

usedtobeanyer · Senior Member

She did meet with her sponsor today.

It's hard for me to see something "bad" as good...thanks for pointing that out. A needed eye opener today...Thank you all.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Are you saying she still drives with the kids and is an active drunk?!

In my experience protecting my kids and others is my number one priority!!

I would find someone else who can pick them up.My boundaries would be very strict.

My mother said this to me long ago.You know no one would leave a hundred dollar bill in their shopping cart and walk away for "just a sec." Yet people will leave their babies in it and walk off.

Or an A will leave kids in a car and go to the liquor store.But they sure would not leave a wad of cash on the dash.

Would you leave your wife five hundred dollar bills to deposit? Yet it's allowed to have her pick up precious kids, and chance a drunk driver accident.

To me this is not just each persons business. Drunk drivers, drunk with kids is all our business.Especially drunk driving. I never questioned disabling the As vehicle, or taking the keys. This is MY experience.

I know you are struggling with this. It is a hard one, very hard. hugs,debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.