The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I normally don't move alcohol bottles or beer cans. They sit where they sit. Today was an exception.
I was getting ready for tomorrow's big Halloween party. I needed counter space in the area where some bottles were. So, I moved the bottles to the basement in an area where I knew AH could easily find them. I wasn't playing any games. If he needs a drink, he needs a drink. But, I needed counter space.
Big mistake. He was furious. He wanted to know why I didn't throw the bottles away. Didn't I see there was only a little bit in each bottle left? (That is his ritual: he leaves less than a shot at the bottom of whatever bottle he is hiding and consuming. We have a lot of bottles around the house with just a tiny bit in the bottom).
And guess what would have happened if I threw the bottles away? Yep, he probably would have been mad because I was throwing away bottles and would have blamed it on Al-Anon.
It's both sad and funny.
The only way to win is not to play the game. Next time, I'll leave the bottles and make a different choice for myself.
Hugs, the irony is the catch 22. I would be highly curious to know what solution your higher power reveals the next time around. It sounds like you made a pretty respectful choice out of a no win situation.
Keep working your very solid program!
Hugs p ;)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
It is sad but funny. I have found that it was best not to pour the bottles out. One they just get more, and two, I am just throwing money down the sink.
You have good insight on your choices. I hope you have a great Halloween party!
Something to consider: just because he got mad, DOES NOT mean it was the wrong choice. If the counter was cluttered with gloves or hats or family photos and you needed the space you would have moved them, too and I doubt you would have incurred any grief. I like the part in Alcholism the Merry Go Round Of Denial where it describes how the alcholic acts like a tin god in the home alternately invoking anger and fear by being angry and irresponsible and part of our getting better is to not kow-tow to every tantrum. Or, as a friend of mine said, "In an alcholic home everything is going to hell in a hand basket, but god help you if you spill the milk!" Amen! In my experience, alcholism is masterful at making BIG THINGS (i.e. drinking to oblivion) a non issue and SMALL THINGS (moving bottles for a good reason) a HUGE issue. In this case, you LIVED and let LIVE. You're doing great - don't let anyone tell you other wise!
Yeah. Sounds like a can't win for trying situation. He might be mad if you left the bottles there too...he might just be mad cuz he's mad all the time and he's an alcoholic right?
Note to self there is no pleasing this disease. This made me think of conversations I have had with my A lately and I am seeing the SSS in large print across his Sick Sick Sick forehead. Go easy on yourself and keep practicing self care. I am sending you love and support on your journey!
__________________
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
You needed space, you moved the bottles that were in your way, you got the space you needed, HE got angry and upset... I say, smile to yourself because you did the right thing.
I agree, just because he didn't like it doesn't mean it was a bad choice or action.
You won for yourself as you got what you needed and you did it respectfully and didn't buy into his response.
Damned if you do and damned if you don't.. then do what makes it easier for you.
