The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just finished reading "Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and an Alcoholic" by Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D. I HIGHLY recommend this book! It is only 194 pages and makes PERFECT sense. And I don't even remember mention of higher power - it points out clearly and logically exactly how the alcoholic's behavior is enabled, sometimes even encouraged, by his wife without making you feel responsible for your husband BUT it places responsiblility for you on YOU. I could not have read this on a better day!
My AH has been drinking all week. Unlike previously, before his father came back from Hungary last week, he's actually getting up out of bed and leaving the house to work with his dad. Of course, he's home "napping" by 3:00 every day. I know his father is a huge trigger for him. But, rather than freak out and be miserable about it, I'm FINE. I'm not harping, preaching, offering my husband advice as to what to do with his lousy relationship with his dad. The relationship between them is just at - between them. Sure, I'm a little angry and frustrated at times, but not in the perpetual state of high anxiety and panic like it used to be. The book reiterated that what I'm doing - detaching with love, trying hard not to enable, focusing on me - is exactly what I should be doing.
So on this snowy (!!!) autumn evening, I'm eating chicken noodle soup while listening to a band I like and reading Shakespeare. I'm so blessed, so grateful!
"Live in and for the day, each and every day, starting right now."
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--Mare
Grateful member of Al Anon
"Live in and for the day, each and every day, starting right now."
Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D., "Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and
an Alcoholic."
I'm not familiar with that particular book, but that is the same author of the highly recommended "Adult Children of Alcoholics" book, so I'm sure it's great.... Glad it's done so much good for you!
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I'm so glad you are enjoying the moment for what it is and know it is not about you!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am so glad that somebody else read that book! I have a very dog-eared copy that I got about a year ago. I have sections highlighted on almost very page, and I keep going back and re-reading it almost daily! I have read many good books (including Getting Them Sober), bit none of them made everything as clear to me as 'Marriage on the Rocks'. Wonderful book, I highly recommend it to everyone with an alcoholic in their life. I especially like the section where it lists the traits of a 'near-alcoholic'; I read every one of them saying, "Yep, THAT'S me!'. And then it goes on to relate how to stop those behaviors. One of my favorite-among many- sayings from the book; "An alcoholic is an egomaniac with an inferiority complex" and "What really truly matters is not whether or not your partner is an alcoholic, by whatever definition, but your reaction to his drinking'. Great book, thanks for sharing!
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"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
I am not familiar with that book. Perhaps one day it will enter my life. I have somewhat of a stock pile of recovery books that I have gleened such wonderful, supportive information from. I do so encourage you to continue the journey of discovery into reading all you can about the disease of alcoholism. It is remarkable how we all in some way or another can deeply relate to so many common themes.
"An alcoholic is an egomaniac with an inferiority complex" and "What really truly matters is not whether or not your partner is an alcoholic, by whatever definition, but your reaction to his drinking'.
Ok .. I just have to say I may have to pick up this book, I've been reading In All Our Affairs which I highly recommend from a survivors point of view which it spoke to me in a lot of different ways. I'm also just starting Delima of an Alcoholic Marriage, so this is on for the reading when I am ready. Sounds like it has a lot of sound reasoning in it.
Thanks for sharing this you two!
Hugs P:)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I have read all the books listed here. I am always excited when I get a referral from you guys. I've gotten really good ideas from each one i've read. But I have to say, 'Marriage on the Rocks' has been the one I keep going back to. HIGHLY RECOMMEND!
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"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
