The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been learning how much I have lived in denial. I lived in a bubblw were I could only see the nice in the world and people. I must of developed this as a reaction to my childhood. It wasnt to long ago that I allowed myself to face the reality that my childhood was not perfect.
All my life I have only allowed myself to see the good in others. i did not listen to my inner voice, i ignored the reg flags. When people showed me who they really were I made excusesfor them and their behaviour. He had a bad childhood, its because they are ill, its because of this that the other. I want to live in rea;lity. I want to be able to trust myself. I feel so vulnerable. I am trying to stay away from my ex ABf he is sober and back in AA. I need to be alone. I do not know who I can trust do not even trust me. I know I must be growing to even be able to see this today. Why do I do this other people look out for themselves one strike and your out of here. I never had any boundaies and always forgave. I just feel like when I get to step nine I will need to be top of my list hugs tracy xxxxx
Wow Tracy, I was really struck by this post. I feel like it's almost something I could have written myself. I really identify with what you said here and am feeling and thinking many of the same things. I have idealized and excused and ignored so much in other people at my own expense. If something went wrong, I usually took on t hhat responsibility as my fault. I too feel that amends to myself need to be at the top of my list z and I'm trying to carefully look at my relationships and seek better for myself. I know that needs to start with me treating myself better and that is my focus now. It sounds like you're working on some of those same things. You've done so much for yourself developing this realization, aceepting it, sharing it and now trusting yourself. Thank you for sharing this. It's such comfort to know we are not alone in these feelings. ~doozy
Dear Tracy, I agree , this is a great post..it shows tremendous wisdom, reflection and self growth. I think most of us put on rose colored glasses until things become unmanageable, until the status quo just doesn't work anymore. It takes a lot of bravery to come to this realization and sounds like you're doing a great job. Thanks for sharing, hugs, nyc
My daughter and I have been having conversations about seeing people as they are and not focusing on the potential of "if only". As a woman I know that has been a fatal flaw in my own upbringing of the "if only". It's not that my AH doesn't use his potential, I do relate it back to low self esteem in me. I keep wanting to remake him, then somehow I will be better and that's not fair to him and it's not fair to me either. If I value myself and I know what I'm worth then I see people as they are not how I want them to be. I have to love and accept my AH as he is not how I want him to be.
Seeing the good in people is not a bad thing, seeing them as they are is a GREAT thing. It's seeing someone without the blinders of "if only" that is how someone really is.
Great post, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Wow this is a great share for me today! I have always seen the potential in people and kept letting them misuse and abuse me all along the way, hoping and trying to force change when I was just merely survivng. Now I no longer let anyone have control over any aspect of my life when they can't even manage or care for their own. I will no longer choose to be a victim, I am a survivor and am better for learning through life's lessons. This recovery program has been such a life saver for me teaching me boundaries and self care. I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
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