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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Hello everyone. New member, my son is an alcoholic....
Post Info TOPIC: Hello everyone. New member, my son is an alcoholic....
Ingwe


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Hello everyone. New member, my son is an alcoholic....
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He is 26 and went through rehab in February.  I was definitely the person who always rescued him previously and have learned a lot since then.

He just moved into his own apartment after staying in an Oxford House for 4 months after rehab.  I am beginning to see the red flags again and I don't know what to do.  He won't answer his phone or return texts and I feel as though I am just waiting for the ball to drop.  I am trying very hard to do all the things I was taught and so far I think I am succeeding.  If and when that ball does drop, I have no idea what to do.   

Best wishes to all of you, and thank you for this forum.

 

 



-- Edited by Ingwe on Monday 24th of October 2011 03:07:19 PM

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hotrod


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Hello everyone. New member, my son is an alchoholic....
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Hi INGW  Welcome to MIP

I am glad you found us and feel comfortable enough to share your heart.  Living with the disease of alcoholism is indeed a painful isolating experience.  I am glad you have educated yourself about the disease and understand some of the dynamics that we can / should avoid.

I would like to suggest that you continue to post here and also look for alanon face to face meetings in your community  They can be found by looking in the white pages and calling the main number. 

Breaking the isolation, talking with peole who "understand as few others can" learning new constructive ways to face life -Lifted the anxiety and enabled me to begin to breathe and live again with a measure of serenity, courage and peace.

Recovery from this disease both for the alcoholic and for family membrs is a process and I am glad you have joined us on the journey.



-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 24th of October 2011 02:33:19 PM

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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canadianguy


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Welcome to MIP....  One book I would strongly recommend to you is "Getting Your Children Sober", written by Toby Rice Drews (or you would also get lots out of "Getting Them Sober", volume one).

Early recovery can be very unnerving - not just for the alcoholic, but also for those around them.... Good for you in wanting to 'break the chain', and finding a better way...

 

Tom



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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
Hoot Nanny


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Ingwe: I just want to say Welcome as I see this is your first post! You will find a lot of suggestions on this forum--hopefully no ADVICE as we really aren't supposed to give advice. Hang in there!

Kathleen



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Hoot Nanny
tommyecat


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Welcome INGWE,

I wanted to extend my hand and welcome you as well to MIP.  I am so glad you have found us.  I would like to encourage you to please keep posting and release some of the fear and pain you have inside.    Hot rod said it best that there are many amongst us who understand your problems as few others could.  That is one of the strengths of the Alanon program.  Through shared experiences, not advice giving, we can help one another through difficult times. 

It is a pleasure to have the chance to meet you.  May the love from this board grow in you one day at a time.

Respectfully Yours,

Tommye



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Ingwe


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RE: Hello everyone. New member, my son is an alcoholic....
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Thank you all!

I'm so emotional you all made me cry, in a good way. I will order the book, thanks for the rec.

Christy

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rosielee


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hes got to get straight back on that wagon again. if it was me....because this is the only way i can think of how to help- is by putting myself in your shoes and think what i would do- i would be honest with your son and not beat around the bush- i would phone and say- look its obvious youve relapsed- lets not kid anyone- i just want to look forward now- whats done is done- i just want to see you back on that wagon again. and i wouldnt make a big deal about the relapse- even thugh t is a big deal- because when things are a big deal it makes people drink more - particularly as he will be feeling bad about the relapse. my understanding is- that relapse for some - is part of the deal- and they have to battle it a few times before they give up for good. but thats all you can do- is say a few things here and there- because he is an adult and in charge of his own life of course.

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rosie
Debilyn


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It is very hard as a parent of a young adult. But sadly, his disease is none of our business.

When we butt into it we take away their power to do it for themselves. He may relapse he may not. It is totally up to him.If he ends up homeless he does. Let me tell you when parents baby them or do anything at all, they end up with a fifty sixty year old kid still living with them.

He has to figure it out!! You have to take care of you. What do you love to do, do you have friends to go see, do things with?

I had to learn to think of me again. I still feel weird buying myself cloths. My kids are 35 and 36!

We have to work at facing we have to let them go.We give them wings, they have to figure out how to get up and fly again. If we pick them up every time they learn nothing.

He needs to see himself as a man not a kid. My son finally told me i intimidated him when he was in his mid teens. I had to back off. I was proud of him for telling me that. I was a strong mother, a strong presence becuz I was a widow raising a son and daughter alone.

Anyway thank you for sharing. We all care very much. love,debilyn



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       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Ingwe


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Thank you again, everyone.

I've been reading a lot of posts and realize that what we've been going through as a family is not unique to us (now there's an insight!) Nearly all of you have verbalized exactly how I've been feeling - I feel so much better having figured that out. I really didn't think I was the one who needed help - I don't have a problem. Well, I do have a problem, so today is the first day I begin to fix it.

Yesterday I decided that although I do want communication from my AH son, and I do want him to be part of this family I wasn't going to go down the same old road that we have gone down so many times before. So instead of texting him "how are you?", "are you okay?", "please call" I sent him a generic family update text. Just the stuff we are all doing and so on.. I didn't expect to hear back but he did text back, just a few replies to things I had said.

I have also decided that I will not ask him anything regarding his personal business, and as far as I am concerned his alcoholism is definitely his own business, not mine. I know that if I get involved yet again, this will never end. I may stop him from losing his job, or his apartment or whatever, this time around, but surely this will happen again.

This is all still very difficult. I have found a meeting I can go to on Monday and that is my next step, as well as visiting this forum. I have read many posts and although I haven't responded to any as yet, you are all in my thoughts.

Thank you!





-- Edited by Ingwe on Wednesday 26th of October 2011 05:47:45 PM

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