The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi guys, I am new to this. As a matter of fact I am not sure I am doing this posting correctly. I am married to an alcoholic. I am not sure how often he drinks, or how muh. it varies, sometimes a few bottles (the ones that can fit in your pants), I imagine someitmes less. I guess the amount is irrelevant. It affects our life. I am financially carrying the burden. He also becomes verbally abusive when drunk. This too varies. At times every night. Other times he takes a hiatus. That is when I just wait for it happen. I am not sure how to leave him. That is why I need help. Many of the posts reflect sadness, etc. Iam numb. NUMB. This disease has taken away my security.
You posted just fine, I hope you will keep coming back and get to know us and let us get to know you as well. There is a wealth of information on the boards and people who have been there done that in their experience and/or are currently experiencing it.
If you haven't considered I hope you will consider finding an alanon group in your area and use this board as a tool. The face to face is where my healing happens and when I use the boards as well it gets me through to the next meeting. Someone will post something that gives me another light bulb moment in my own healing.
The old saying goes if their drinking bothers you then alanon is the place for you. What you said about the security it is so apt way of putting it. This is what I have learned this year is finding it is my responsibility to create that within myself and not look to someone else to fulfill that need. It's been a long road and I'm so not done yet .. lol. It's been so worth while. What alanon (MIP included in that statement) has given me (while I work my program) is the confidence that no matter what I"m going to be ok. I have taken the focus off of my alcoholic and put it back on me. He's going to drink or not drink the question then becomes what am I going to do.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Hey there and welcome here :) The best thing you can do for you is head out to alanon meetings. Regardless if he drinks, you can find happiness. The other thing is, there are stories of hope and serenity here too. Each day we choose our attitude and can choose to start over any time if our attitude gets bad. If you see some of the recent posts by long time members like Tommye, Tom, Jerry, Abbyal, Pushka, RLC, etc...you will find there is hope, and serenity here too, not just sadness.
I posted something with the title "28 days..." yesterday and I have hope in my post too. In alanon we are taught to look at ourselves and live our own life. We can't live our loved one's life. We can accept and love them where they are at, show compassion, and find a way to live happy, joyous and free. When you go to meetings, find a sponsor and work the steps with her. The steps are there for a reason. Step 1 says "I am powerless over alcohol, and my life had become unmanageable..." I have found I am powerless over everything but me. I can change me. So that is what I work on... HUGS! Keep coming :) Take care of you :)
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
I am so glad you are here. Welcome to MIP. I wanted to share with you that the best thing I did for me and my marriage is go to Alanon meetings and get a face to face sponsor who helped me work the steps. I too have a story similar to yours and just could not see hope in any of it. My marriage was in shambles when I walked into the doors of Alanon. I was ready for a divorce, anything to stop the pain. It is suggested in our literature, specifically the One Day at a Time book that unless there are cases of abuse, to refrain from making major decisions six months to one year. I am so glad my sponsor suggested this because during that time, I began working on me. The steps were a welcomed approach that allowed me to take my attention off of the alcoholic and begin working on myself. I started looking at what I wanted and needed in my life. The evening arugements which were a daily occurance in my home gradually began to disappear. Alanon has taught me so many things one of which is it takes two to have a fight. I found just because my spouse came home in a fowl mood, doesnt mean I have to adopt one.
I have been in the program over half of our marriage. I have found that I did not have to wait until my AH stops drinking to begin the journey of recovery. In fact it was helpful to me to be in tremendous amount of pain going to alanon because my life was in such shambles, I was teachable, willing to learn everything I could from my sponsor and the program. I absorbed everything I could from the members.
I have a different life now. I love my husband deeply who still is active in his disease. I have a few more close family members such as my father and mother in law that are active as well. As the saying goes, God has no grandchildren. When I began to take a hard look at myself and my participation to the demise of my marriage and be responsible for me attitide, actions and inner being, my world shifted. I have peace and serenity in my life today, one day at a time. Alanon has shown me how.
Hi and welcome to MIP! I hope you are able to make it to a face to face Al-anon meeting. I can relate to your share and it sounds like you are in the right place, keep coming back! I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
i have been brought up by an abusive- raging alcoholic mother- i know all about the treading on egg shells- the drunk face- the worry. i also know what its like to have peace and security ripped from you. i dont know what its like to be married to this though- and if you visit al-anon youll get help with this perspective. I couldnt live like this- given a choice id get out- there is no pice worth paying for the drunk abusive tamtrums and turmoil. thats my position- yu may feel different. i hpe you get some peace and quiet and start ruly living again at some point- becasue existing around someons abusive drunk rages is a very poor quality of life- and in my view practising detachment against a consisten verbally abusive and even physically threatening out of control person is not healthy for anyone.
the statement "regardless of whether he drinks you can find happiness" is probably true if yu live with a functioning or high functioning alcoholic. i dnt believe this to be true when living with an abusive- out of control- aggressive- just barmy gone mentally alcoholic. anyone who says this statement has obviously not been through hour upon hour of constant drunk ranting- things being thrown arund the house- having your posessions smashed- having your head hit- and not being able to rest until the alcohlic person falls asleep crashed out on the floor.
Thank you all for your support. Alhtough I have not been to a meeting I have been to counseling. It will be a journey fo rme to sepearte my feelings from his. BUT I cannot find happiness in a relationship with an alcoholic.
