The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's been some time since I've come to this site. I miss it.
Lately it seems I can barely find time to think. The baby is teething, still nursing, and I am still working full-time while my AH has been unemployed for 1 1/2 yrs.
I have hardly made it to meetings. My "recovering" AH hasn't gone to any in so long - and has only been out of inpatient rehab for 4 months. His mother was once a strong support system for me and (whether real or imagined) doesn't seem to be anymore. That has hit me harder than anything. She wants more for our marriage to stay together - and, though she supports recovery, she seems to not hear me and explains away his behavior.
I feel very un-heard and alone lately. I am grateful that my AH has at least made some changes, and I believe continues to want to change. We are still in marriage counseling - for the first time in my life, hardly anything in those counseling sessions sits right with me. I don't know if I'm sicker than I've been, or if something is truly off. So frustrating.
Sleep deprivation compounding everything. My toddler is up every 2 hours at night in bad shape with teething. Then sometimes she gets up too early (5am). I am the only one who gets up with her. My AH says that he's an Alcoholic in recovery who needs his sleep (basically), and so doesn't think he CAN get up with her. So, I do it, get her ready for daycare, and have to get ready for work with her clinging to me - from showering, to using the toilet and doing my hair, she is plastered to me, in tears from teething (poor girl). My AH sleeps in, takes her to daycare (leaving when I do, so he doesn't have to deal with her?), and I don't even know what he does then. In all fairness, he has been looking for jobs seemingly this whole time, and does side jobs for cash. He also is patient and good to her otherwise. Regardless, I'm exhausted.
Thanks. I just needed a minute to let that out so that I can try to breathe.
Lotus
__________________
"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."
Sending you lots of esh. A new baby, while absolutely wonderful, is exhausting and sleep deprivation as well as the flood of emotions does magnify everything. It sounds like you are taking care of everybody. If you can, try to find a moment to take care of yourself. Perhaps a friend or relative can come over and babysit while you go out and do something fun? You're shouldering a lot and you deserve it. Hugs, nyc
Lotus (((HUGS))) Glad to see you here today :) I have had two babies so far in my life and now they are 9 and almost 15 years old. I can tell you that the babyhood passes so quickly and that the slogan This Too shall pass was told to me many times from the breastfeeding support group called La Leche League. It is an amazing, draining, sleepless time, but eventually your baby will be 15 and not wanting to hang with you hardly at all. You have a lot on your plate, give yourself some credit and a pat on the back for how much you do! I hope that maybe there is a mom's group you can go to on weekends or evenings? I know I loved those and I brought the baby so it was time to talk with other moms and for baby to play. I am glad to hear your AH is trying and does great with the baby. I think for me when mine were babies, I would make sure to say that "Its your turn to get the baby, you are the dad and you have to do it at least once a night" and stick to it. A boundary for you, to allow you to sleep too. My ex would get the baby and change him and then hand him to me to nurse. Take care of you :) HUGS! It shall pass....
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
So glad to see you back!! I hope you have time to post some more updates.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
We are still in marriage counseling - for the first time in my life, hardly anything in those counseling sessions sits right with me. I don't know if I'm sicker than I've been, or if something is truly off.
Has your couselor said anything about individual counseling?
Someone I know made me aware there is a difference in 'focus' between couples counseling and individual counseling.
In couples counseling the therapist focuses on helping the people communicate better with each other.
In individual counseling the therapist focuses on helping the person change their own behaviour.
First I am so glad you had a chance to post. I myself have two kids, 2 and 7 and the memory of being up every two hours is still fresh in my mind. It is a difficult walk. I love my kids so completely, but sleep deprivation alone completely wrecks me without adding anything else.
Once a week I chair an evening speaker meeting for my group. My husband makes sure the kids are fed and puts them to bed. In the past I had the conversation that these are our children not just my children and his participation was needed. If I was always there to pick up the pieces, he would not need to step up to the plate. When I took a step back and said tonight is your night, then I would not have the pleasure to get out and be of service to my group all the while enjoying incredible Alanon speakers.
