So sad today and hurting! - Al-Anon Family Group

Katy · ~*Service Worker*~

So sad today and hurting!

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

If your son is "of age" then the cop is right. he could have been a bit more sensitive to your concerns...

It sucks so much...but you cannot control this...you cannot protect him from his self-destruction / addiction. What really sucks is that now, not only is HE very ill..but so are YOU...with the stress -- that addiction brings to all of our lives.

You cannot control him 0r protect him...but you can take care of you. Think of yourself as if you are in a storm, so what would you do to take care of yourself if you follow that metaphor? you certainly wouldn't try to control a hurricane...but you would take care of you -- batten down the hatches close to home -- with good food, safety, and rest.

life is hard..but there ARE those of us who totally get it...and will be here for you in spirit

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Well Katy, the only good thing I can say about him not saying how or why this happened is the following: Much of the time with my parents, I choose not to say something because I know the response is something they wont approve of and I don't want to hear the same "old story." So...I can say with 99 percent likelihood that it was something wreckless, dumb,and substance induced that led to this and he doesn't want to hear "I told you so." In many ways this is better than some load of excuses and lies because it is a lesser form of denial and it could mean he is actually thinking about changing due to the consequences of his own actions. When I think about my own recovery, I ask what got me started? A drunken car crash. Sad, but that is the truth.

I don't wish this on anyone and I have to live with what I did and how it could have been worse - but pain is the touchstone of growth and I hope it functions this way for your son. In any case, whatever consequences that don't wind up killing him are going to push him closer to surrender and closer to recovery.

Also, I understand as a parent you think that knowing what your kids are doing and when they are placing themselves in danger is going to stop it. I hope you can take a step back and recognize you could not stop this from happening and, if anything, it may be the one thing that leads him to recovery more than any advice, loving, nurturing, or mothering you could have done. You already finished raising him. He is the one that needs to choose to act grown.

In support,

Mark

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Katy,

I just wanted to send lots of love and support during this challenging time for you. If you aren't going to meetings please find one it helps to know we aren't alone, we didn't fail in some way either as a spouse or as a parent, where we did fall down in those areas we can get a new perspective on what will work (turning the focus back on us) we know what hasn't or doesn't work.

Hugs P :)

Doozy · Senior Member

I'm sorry to hear about your son katy. My thoughts are with you in this tough time.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

It is so very hard to let go of our children. I don't think we really can. Myself I just have to have faith in HP to take care of them.

I am so sad you are having such a hard time. It really is a horrible thing.

With the HIPPA laws you cannot even get info from your vet about anyone else. NO ONE is suppose to share personal info, it's against the law.

I am glad you came here and vented. I do know how you love your son very much.

Also when a police person or someone else is talking AT me, I say hey over here, i am right here, and I say for instance,"MY son is in trouble, I do understand legally you cannot say anything, but I am a nice person and would appreciate some respect and compassion."

a cop was weird to me when I begged them to open up the dog control on a week end. They did it though, it was not my dog there, Great Pyr. I told him thanks so much. he looked past me. I touched his arm and pointed to my eyes, I said really I appreciate you driving her to help me soo much. He softened. sometimes we as good people need to find their heart. They are so used to loser scum, they get hardened but they are usually still in there.

we do teach others how to treat us. Hugs honey, deb

-- Edited by Debilyn on Monday 17th of October 2011 02:32:07 AM

Katy · ~*Service Worker*~

Goodmorning Mip, and thankyou so much for your kind words, it helps no end, I hadn't dare look at my sons face when I wrote here yesterday I was filled with fear, after I wrote I went into his bedroom and told him I love you son, because I truly do and always will, my head knows I should not torturemyself trying to find out the why's and where for's, but the not knowing and the lies there the things that make me insane, later that day we talked and he opened up to me, he said he didn't want to worry us he knew we would be mad at him, and his best friend did this to him, he was trying to proctect him, he thought I would blame the other lad, when in actual fact my son caused the arguement that led to the fight, I just said to my son and how do you feel about someone you trusted and liked could do this to you, he cried, I cried, and then I asked him what he thought he should do about this, and he said it's the drink mum. I need to stop drinking, Mark you were so right, the sickening times that we live through bring the answers if we are strong enough to hold the faith, I think both these boys have a problem, maybe this will be turning point, Someone said here I think, noone in aa ever said they stopped drinking because of thier mum and dad, I have had this song in my head today, you raise me up so I can walk on mountains, you raise me up ---------------, and you do, thankyou sooooooooo much!

Love

Katy

x

rosielee · Senior Member

i was going to mention that too- prayers do work and he has his angels looking out for him. i think until you hear from him again you will be in a state of extreme worry- you just need to hear he is ok. xxxxx

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

I am sending you love and support and yes prayers katy!!!!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.