The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm a 20 year old currently, and though my parents broke up when I was 2 his effect on my life has been large. When I say this it by no means is a good effect. My father does not call me, but when he does see me (which is by force from my uncle) he pretends like he has been there for me telling me he loves me when he sees me/talks to me once or twice a year. From what I know he is an alcholic and a drug addict (coke, crack, and marijuana), He's never had a girlfriend or female friend since my mother he sits in his friends clutterd house and has a ticket for work but still decides to work at a lumber yard for $16 an hour when he could be making $45.00. It doesnt bother me that he has chose a diffrent job or that he lives with his friend, what bothers me is he stays in close contact with my brother. I dont even know who he is, he's a stranger to me that I watch wasting away to nothing. I cry about this often thinking why doesnt he love me, what did I do? is it because I'm not a boy? This part of me feels so broken ready to cry as I type this as i feel so lost and neglected. thanks for taking the time to read my story just needed to say something to someone.
I wanted to welcome you here to MIP. I think you are in the right place. I do so appreciate your courage in posting today, sharing some of the difficulties in your life. I think you will find that many of us here have had similar experiences too with what you shared. Please stick around and get to know us awhile. I think you will find love, encouragement, and support here.
Alcoholism is a disease that is cunning, baffling, and powerful. We did not cause it, we cannot control it, we cannot cure it = the 3 C's of Alanon. I grew up in an alcoholic family home where my father was a daily drinker, passed out by 6 PM. I can understand the pains of a parent who does not participate in your life. He was never able to attend a school function and it was difficult to have friends over with dad drunk. Face to Face Alanon meetings really helped me to take a look at my father and realize that he is completely powerless over the ability to say no to alcohol.
It is suggested if you have not been to a face to face meeting that you attend six or more before making a decision if Alanon is right for you. I think you will find in the meetings that there folks who have similar stories as you. I was able to find tremendous peace and comfort in realizing that I was not alone.
I do so hope you will continue to post and share more of yourself on this board. I am so glad you came. Please keep coming back!
(((Miss Hulme))) Welcome to MIP. I'm so glad you found this place. I can feel the hurt and sadness in your post. It is so difficult to deal with the A's in our life. And way too difficult to do alone, on our own. I hope you will read some of the other posts here. There is much wisdom and comfort to be found. And as Tommyecat suggested, try some alanon meetings. Alanon has been a huge help to me. I hope you'll keep coming back.
Miss Hi and glad you are here and thank you for sharing your feelings with us here. I am positively certain that you will gain some understanding of this hideous disease by attending some meetings and perhaps some on line meetings which are here twice a day if possible for you. I too had a father who was absent from my life when I did meet him which was at 19. I could never understand how he didnt want to see me,get to know me etc..all the things one would think a "normal" father would want to do. Your not dealing with anything resembling "normal" when you dealing with addicts. I am not making an excuse for an addicted person but it is an explanation as to why they are the way they are. As hard as this probably is for you to believe at this point, it has nothing to do with you. It is not you. They are messed up in every possible sense of the word. They dont think, and most of the time cannot even feel as they are numbed by the substance they are married to. There is no room for anyone else. A relationship that you think he has with your brother, is probably not anything that involves a "real" relationship. Addicts are incapable of "real" relationships. I guess what I want to drive home here is this....there is nothing wrong with you as to why he isnt there for you, it is him. period. I know it can "feel" like it is, but it isnt. Please keep coming back here and nothing on earth will help you more than alanon. thanks again :)
I too would like to welcome you to MIP and share that now that you have found us you are no longer alone.
Alanon face to face meetings in your community are important to break the isolation, connect with others who truly understand and develop new tools that will enable you to live your life with serenity, courage and wisdom.
We believe that alcoholism is a disease over which we are completely powerless. Interacting with this disease can cause us to develop destructive tools to live in the world. Some of these are: low self esteem, fear, anger and not fitting in .
Alanon offers new tools, a safe place to explore them and support of people who are walking the same path.
Hi MissHulme, I want to welcome you to MIP and I hope you can make it to face to face Al-anon meetings on your journey. The three C's come to my mind reading your share. You Didn't CAUSE it, You Can't CURE it and You Can't CONTROL it!! Not even by having been a boy. Please don't blame yourself for their terrible disease that rips and shreds everyone around it. I read the book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews and it helped me to understand so much about this disease. I am also reading the book "Perfect Daughter's" by Robert J. Ackerman. I am sending you love and support on oyur journey to your own recovery! I am so glad you found us here!!!
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Hi MissHulme and welcome here :) Glad you wrote! I can only say whats working for me, meetings, getting a sponsor and reading the alanon literature. When I come to this board I feel better too. When I don't do those things, I feel terrible. I am only as sick as my secrets and if I sit and don't talk to my sponsor or alanon friends, I get pretty sick in the head. Alanon meetings helps so much, as well as the ACOA meetings I go to. I hope you try some meetings and keep coming to this board to bring it back here. Take care of you! HUGS! In love and support !!!
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
I just wanted to say welcome and keep coming back, you are so very worth it!
In support,
P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thank you everyone, I really appreciate your support and I do plan to attend a face to face meeting. I'm just trying to get up the courage to go in, once again i REALLY appreciate all of this support! thank you!!
