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My AH's suspended licnese is coming to an end. The trick is he has to come up with 250$ to get it back. He hadn't said anything except oh 30 days before I can pay the fine. Oookkk .. lol .. I have NO idea where he thinks I'm coming up with this money we are doing well to keep our heads above water with the way things stand forget about coming up with anything extra. I also knew it's not 30 days it's really 45 days however .. ehe .. I know what I know and he needs to find out for himself.
Well let me rephrase, if he wanted his license he could have not done the shopping he wanted to do and honestly we needed to do, it's things that he needs for wood chopping and then work clothes, it's not a want it's a need. It's a choice, we can't do it all at the same time. Pick and choose what he needs and what the house needs, food is a good thing .. lol. We went out to a nice lunch as a family, it's rare we are able to do that, so a nice day out or his license. He has a tendency to avoid the money stuff sooo .. again I'm keeping my mouth shut. I'm going with the game plan if he wants to know he can log on to the account and ask quetions I don't have issue with that at all. I think he was a little shocked when I pointed that "we" decided that money needed to be spent on specific items and it was, there is no more in the budget. Has he looked at the paperwork to see what actually needs to happen? WOW .. he went directly to the paperwork and again was a little surprised by what he read.
I can work it out so we can pay the fine next pay period I have a sneaking suspision he's going to be shocked big time .. there is a good possibility it's not 250$ he already HAS a DUI on his record and so we are probably looking at 500$. It's worded weirdly, I'm not sure who to call to clarify. He asked if I would "please" go into the office so he would know for sure what was going on (just the local office). I did agree to do so. I was not ordered, he did not expect me to, he actually asked me to. Such a different man, I can't even begin to describe where this guy has come from and I'm totally blown away. This guy I like a lot! There is zero arrogance going on. It would be different if he were at home sitting on his butt, he is going to work at 3am tomorrow (he has his own ride arranged) and won't be home until 5pm. I am more than happy to work as his partner AND he asked .. I'm still a little shocked .. lol
He also just figured out today that he can't go to the local Secretary of States office his payment of fine has to be mailed to the main office which we are very close to, 45 min away. He looked at the paperwork saw the 45 days and is now panicking that maybe he's going to have to wait a little longer to get his license back.
I didn't say a word and I don't mind taking him to the main office. I'm not going alone. He will have to take a vacation day to do this little errand. He's aware of that fact. Plus there is NO WAY I'm getting stuck holding the bag as to when the license is reinstated and so on. Meaning whatever answers are given .. he will be there hearing them himself. He'll want to know why and I'm not being the one to explain it to him, it's like I'm the messanger and I'm not looking to be shot .. verbally or otherwise, lol.
It's the money stuff that stresses me more than anything it's another tick on a long laundry list of "what this is costing us". So hard for me to keep my mouth shut, I've pinched myself (yes when all else fails I literally reach under my arm and pinch myself .. lol .. hey I haven't opened my mouth!) and literally bit my lip from saying anything. It's helped and I can tell he's really watching me. He hasn't said anything, however there have been those long pauses waiting kind for a response. Again .. keeping my mouth shut. If I do respond it's a "I don't know" "What do you think?" that's about it. I'm so putting this all back to him .. lol.
The reality is it the money doesn't matter it's the issue of the unknown and I've been battling my own control issues. It's the fear factor. When things happen that I get fearful over I grab for control, I'm afraid of the unknown. It's what totally triggers my control stuff.
Anyway, I feel ok considering. There is nothing I can do, whatever answers are there tomorrow they are already set there is no negotiating. So I've been just letting go of the worry of that part and trying to trust God will find a way with the money stuff.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
(((Pushka))), that's a whole lot you're dealing with right now. But from what I can see, you're doing an excellent job. That doesn't mean it's easy to do, does it? I can definitely relate to what you wrote -¨When things happen that I get fearful over I grab for control, I'm afraid of the unknown.¨ I'm the same way. I think I've given up controlling, but when I'm confused or fearful my first instinct is to try and take control. A life long habit takes some time to get over. You've made good decisions, you've got your boundaries in place. Keep talking (and listening) to HP. You're going to be fine, whatever happens.
I completely understand the financial fear. There is a line in the Lord's Prayer, "Give us this day our daily bread" It centers me because the truth is all I have is the very day. There is no promise of tomorrow. What it has come to mean to me in severe economic circumstances is that I need to be grateful for what I have in this day. The basic stuff comes to mind, a car with gas in it, two bucks in my wallet, food in my fridge, a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in. That is all I need in this day, one day at a time. When I focus on what I have (abundance), I am in exercising my faith, it is like a muscle. For me, faith and fear cannot coexist at the same time in my brain. In our daily readers in the thought for today section there has been a line that stuck with me. It is:
"Worry is like a rocking chair, it sure keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere."
Wow what a good program you are living. I just had the power out for 3 days at my house and it helped to humble and center me on being grateful! Keep up the good work!
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
"Worry is like a rocking chair, it sure keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere."
Tommy THAT is one of my fav lines EVER .. lol .. I read that in the reader months ago and I do cling to it when I start with the old tapes. Worry never moved a rock is one I have heard for years and it is also so true. I had a moment one day and actually tried to move a rock with all my worry .. I was just tired and mad at the rock .. lol. Hey I could have done many other things that would have been more destructive and I now have a situation I can laugh at myself. It's now been proven to me without a doubt worry can not move a rock, .. throwing it sure does the trick though. I'm really trying to just have not blind faith that it's all going to work out that doesn't resonate for me. Faith and making sure that faith is strong and my trust rings true in that faith.
Thank you all for the support, there have been so many changes in our house and extremely positive, ... of course .. lol .. I feel nervous, it's a sad thing to say when good is just not a norm in my life. I like it, ... very much, ... at the same time it's an adjustment in my own attitudes about I deserve good. That is the part I keep running into the wall on my own self worth. Not the ego stuff, the fact God wants me to be happy, healthy physically and mentally, and it's ok if I am.
Right now the trust and the control stuff are really rearing up. New attitudes and new behaviors are drowning out the old stuff. It's a lot of chatter in my own head. It's been an easy does it kind of a week, just taking it all in. The good stuff is like breaking in a new pair of cute shoes .. look terrific just not sure if they are practical or not .. lol .. oi .. def need to deal with some self worth stuff this week.
It does get better, I can say a year ago I was making a list to leave or stay. It doesn't matter now if I leave or stay because, once again back to the I know I'm going to be ok no matter what.
Hugs P :)
Hugs Floppy .. OMG .. I feel like I am living Little House on the Prairie on some days .. we have gone without water for two days!! It's the little things that certainly put things into perspective!! :) That's why my AH chops wood is because we heat the house with wood during the winter and it's a comin'. LOL .. it IS Little House on the Prairie .. LOL!!!!
-- Edited by Pushka on Tuesday 4th of October 2011 10:00:37 AM
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Pushka, I love this share, thanks for bringing it here :) You have done so much and your progress comes out in your words here :) Great awareness! Love that thing about trying to push the rock with worry. I have done that, at least figuritively speaking many times. Today I am trying to live in the moment. Thats all I have. Love the idea of a wood stove fire, that sounds so cozy! Where I grew up, thats all we had for heat :) Aww, how nice. Great work on the money issues. I for one know all too well what its like to be without money. Somehow I make it through with the help of my HP ;)
-- Edited by youfoundme on Tuesday 4th of October 2011 10:22:59 AM
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
