The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Aloha Vancouver...What I was taught was that if she is acting like she did when she was actively drinking and she hasn't been drinking...she's dry drunking. At one time that confused me and then I just accepted it...She hasn't drank and she is acting drunk...it is what it is. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Keep coming back to alanon, that's what I've done. Also done a lot of reading, and something very invaluable, I was able to talk to 3 folks w/20 yrs sobriety/aa experience.
What has been REALLY confusing for me is the fact that my RA wasn't drinking, and hadn't for 7 yrs. Sometimes I wished he was - I mean, I was and still am glad that he's NOT! - but that feeling stemmed from the idea that if he was drinking, at least I'd have a clear explanation. It has made me feel totally loony.
My experience is that of RavaA's, my AH can go through long months of physical sobriety, it's the binging in his case where things get so out of control. It's hard to wrap my brain around the fact he has a drinking issue. Most people would take his bouts as he's blowing off steam, whats a bender going to hurt and so on. I have heard some interesting rationalizations. At least it would be easy to say if he drank everyday, ah ha, he has a drinking issue. I'm grateful he isn't drinking daily, however it's very easy to justify and rationalize unreasonable behavior. When he's sober he's a dry drunk even if he only drinks 1x a year he can't stop at one. I'm just now learning there is a huge difference between physical sobriety and emotional sobriety.
What I do is put the focus on me and instead of reacting my way through situations, I can now look at the options I have in front of me. I can jump on the crazy train or I can just allow my AH to behave how he's going to behave and it doesn't have to affect me.
Alanon was a huge blessing to know I wasn't alone and there were other people who were dealing with similar situations. It's brought to the forefront that this behavior is not me and my crazy behavior. Talking to others does help (especially when they are or have lived with the disease of addiction).
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I deal with the dry drunk behaviors by detaching with love. When I wake up each morning, get on my knees, work the steps, go to meeting, and am actively sponsored in the program, it is not as difficult as it was without a program.
Today I can clearly see their dis-ease and dis-comfort is their stuff, not mine. I am better able to QTIP, "quit taking it personally" thereby maintaining my serenity.
