The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I really gotta say if this program so works on so many different levels. It's a program that for me, I get out of it what I put into it. I can work it or not work it, it's 100% my responsibility. This past year I have put a tremendous amount of work into it and I have so much further to go.
There have been some really mind boggling changes happening at our house. Some is just because I'm changing, from perceptions as well as behavior. I had so many little things happen this week, where I know a year ago my reactions would have been over the top and now I'm just making some very different choices in my actions. This week is another of my key moments so I am up to 6 in this past year. Key moments for me are things that have happened where I knew without a doubt things were never going to be the same again in a very good way.
The most shocking has been my AH's reaction to the changes I'm making. God love him, he's got to be wondering where his wife of a year ago went to and boy things were so much easier for him when she was around. After all she was the crazy person the reason things were so bad. It wouldn't have anything to do with his behavior and/or drinking. At least he always knew where I was .. lol .. usually at home wringing my hands wondering what next!?
I can tell he likes the new wife as well. I am working hard not to nag. I'm really working hard on the control issues. The house is in much better shape I still have work at least it won't take me days to clean. I'm so much happier and relaxed. The kids are obviously so much happier. These are all things I actually did for myself and not for him. My work is so far from over. He happens to benefit because he lives here too. I wouldn't want to continue with or without him being like I was last year.
There are def things he doesn't like about the new wife. That's so not my issue and he's going to have to get used to the new wife, because this new wife of this year is going to be the "new" old wife this time next year. I just choose not to go backwards in this emotional growth. It's scary and exciting all at the same time. It's things I have known for a long time and yet things I had totally forgotten. Some is easy and some not so much, I feel like I'm in a push pull at times. Giant steps forward and a little slide or slip here and there.
This journey is far from over and that's probably the most exciting thing about all this, is no matter what happens between now and next year I'm exactly where I need to be right this moment. No matter what I'm going to be ok. That's such a better feeling than last year, with the anger, resentment and bitterness that just was completely spewing off me.
The program works if you work it and what is gained is exactly the effort put into it.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Hugs Pushka! I am so proud of you for your amazing growth! You are an inspiration to me. Your positive attitude and humor are infectious and for that I thank you!
I especially love the line "No matter what I'm going to be ok." That just makes me smile.
Thanks, this is what I needed to hear today. We are having a long talk this afternoon to discuss everything. Remembering your words here will help me remain calm and know that I will be ok.
NovSun
-- Edited by NovSun on Friday 30th of September 2011 05:37:19 AM
It's been an amazing journey thus far, hasn't it?? You are in such a good place, and you've earned that good place.... Kudos to you for how you work at your recovery...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thanks guys, it's been just an amazing week and boy oh boy do I want to hold on to this for as long as I can!! We had a family day today. It's the first in a LONG time. It was just amazing. Our daughters dance was terrific. She is soooo beautiful all dressed up and had a wonderful time. It is the first time he's been off that I've been relaxed talk about a change. Normally I'm so uptight, I don't know which way to go and today I just went with the flow. I don't know if I have been walking on eggshells and I don't realize it or if it's waiting for the other shoe to drop. You know the whole if it's not perfect than the roof will cave in. The roof didn't cave in and we all had a great time. It was really the best feeling in the world.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Good for you, Pushka. I have noticed your growth myself. It is wonderful that you are aware of it. You've worked so hard and done so much to keep your family together. Glad to hear the good news about your family day. The program works if we work it, yes. I am truly happy for you. Keep it up.
