The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My meeting last night was on "choices". I immediately identified with the topic as the idea of making choices, specifically in regards to arguments and fights with my wife, was one of the first concepts that I really grasped when I got involved in Al Anon about a year ago. It was so refreshing to realize that I didn't need to "fight back". My wife could yell at me in her drunken state about whatever she wanted and I could simply make the choice to walk away. That has made a tremendous difference for my peace of mind and it is probably one of the most important tools I use still today.
A woman who I really respect at my meeting said something that I thought was really powerful. She said when she grasped the concept that she was free to make choices, it meant that she couldn't be the victim anymore. I have heard many people in meetings say this has been hard for them, because there is a certain comfort in "being the victim", especially if you've done it your entire life. But you have to stop and ask yourself "how is that working out for me?". Probably not very well.
We're all free to make choices. We can choose to be miserable and just focus on the bad things that are happening in our lives. Or, we're all free to choose to be happy. I know I am blessed, in spite of my current life circumstances. I have a job, I have a nice home, I have a wife who loves me and I have 2 really beautiful, healthy children. I can be happy if I choose to be.
Great awareness Usedtobe... I like this share because I see the same in me. I can choose when I wake up to be in a bad mood or a good mood. I have learned that happiness comes from within. I can also choose to use the phone as a tool to call someone from alanon or I can choose to isolate and be the victim. I like the good feelings that come when I choose good things. I can even choose to not get upset if my A drank a beer or not. Its amazing what happens when I get off his back and get busy. I love your share, great awareness and positivity :) Thank you for bringing it back here... HUGS
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
I agree. It's so true....life is full of choices and we have control over the choices we make, good and bad. We are and feel what we think. The program continues to remind me it's an inside job. Maintaining my serenity and peace of mind while living in the disease is my responsibility, no one else's. If I allow myself to be effected then that's my part in it.....I always have a choice.
This is a gem Usetobe...thanks for it. It brings back memories for me also like the lesson my early sponsor taught me. "Choose the consquence you want first and then do the action." Keeping it simple. ((((hugs))))
It was lovely to read this post today because I have been astounded by the freedom from and the freedom too, now I know I have choices, when I started this journey I couldn't get my head around how it was supposed to work, there are so many miracles that happen when we take care of ourselves first, I had one this week well I have them daily but this was really special, I have given my courage to change book to someone,and I am in the process of getting another, I gave an alanon member a lift home on Monday evening and I have been missing my daily ritual of reading it every morning to kick start my day, when I went to work Tuesday my friend had accidently left his courage to change in my car, I promptly wrang him to say I had found it and it was safe, I offered to take it him there and then, but he said no hurry, bring it next week, so I have it most probably until my new one arrives.
You are going great guns usedtobe, thankyou for sharing this.
This brings me back to the Just For Today Bookmark. On it there is a quote from Abraham Lincoln which says, "We are as happy as we make our minds up to be."
I think for me the choices goes back to boundaries. I may not have that much choice where I live (economically) but I can choose how I interact with my roommates. I choose actively to boundary up! In boundarying up I have choices about how their actions affect me. Of course getting to that choice meant working through people pleasing, grief, anger and expectations. So choices for me is a long shot.
I've very very aware today that the eX was not an anomaly. My choices were not self preserving but often impetuous and irrational. I have had to be more measured in my interactions.
I have not had realistic goals (that was one reason the ex A could hook me into his own harebrained schemes so easily). I have had one's that were not achieveable.
Nowadays I do have goals. Some of them are large, most of them are workable. I find that having goals makes me more focused and less prone to being hooked into other people's pie in the sky plans.
