Delegating and giving responsibility to my children has thus far been a good experience over the last three days.  They helped me prepare dinner last night.  I broadly told them what I needed and to find their own way of doing it.  Giving them the power to succeed or make a mistake is part of this experiment called life right?   If they needed help, they would ask.  It just occurred to me, what a safe place to learn how to ask for help.  That is what the face to face rooms of Alanon gave me.  When I can give my children the autonomy, responsibility, and freedom of expression as to how to pull a dish together, it is a safer and loving way to contribute to the family.   

That was not the case for me growing up.  I did not have that authority to do something as a child.  It was always my mothers way of doing it or don't do it at all.  I recall something she regularly said, "If I want something done right, I guess I'll just have to do it myself."  So for me this idea of I just cant do it right has stuck with me for a number of years.   I think that is why it was so difficult for me to ask for help in Alanon.  That sense of shame knowing yet here is another thing I will screw up and being vulnerable to a group of strangers either in a meeting or with a sponsor terrified me.  But I was carrying so much pain as a result of being affected by alcoholism.  The fear of staying the same was more painful than being willing to change and ask a sponsor for help. 

Another light bulb moment happened for me in trying to find practical ways to identify areas of my life that are congruent with the 12 concepts of service for a talk next month.  It was how I was viewing Tradition 7 in relationships incorrectly.  The 7^th tradition reads:  Each group should be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.    This is how was reading it and relating it to relationships:  

Each person should be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions

My thought was it was solely my job to get everything done before my husband got home from work so all we had to do was to eat dinner and get the kids to bed.   Clearly, my idea about my role in the family did not mesh with my feelings of growing frustration and resentment.   Hence I found myself at step 1, with this aspect of my life being unmanageable. 

So throughout this process of discovery, I have uncovered a wrinkle in my thinking and actions.    Essentially the idea of me being an army of one is for the birds.  Just as Alanon is a We program as expressed as the first word in step one, so is my family.  When I can recognize that my best thinking led me into the rooms of Alanon, chances are I still have some of that stinkin thinkin operating in my unconscious mind.    

I am steadily learning how to abandon old ideas and apply this paradigm from Alanon so it trickles into aspects of my familys life.  I am a work in progress.  Steadily the program works me when I become willing to do something different.

Again thank you all for your contributions to my original posts.  I am gaining greater insight, wisdom, and strength from your sharing.  As I am reasoning this out, it is removing my fear of public speaking on the 12 concepts of service which for me were just decorations on my home groups wall.   

In gratitude,

Tommye