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Well, things have gone really well around here. I think we are all battling a cold which is the pits and I feel really bad, because our eldest had a sleep over last night so I'm hoping her friend escapes the germs. Both my son and I have sore throats and he's got a cold to match as well as a small cough.
I had to laugh, thinking about this week. There was more than one light bulb moment this past week. My house is amazing considering where I started last Sunday talk about a turn around. I'm a little blocked as to what to do next that's ok, just a small project will make a difference even daily. That's what I'm going to look at.
My son and daughter gave me some important parental lessons. They both go back to my own childhood. The first one being the day my son stayed home sick and then decided on his own to go to school. I am so very grateful he has had a first lesson in choices that, he has them. He can change his mind. That's a big one for me.
My daughter is being bullied at school actually she was being sexually harrassed by another girl. It was a game that was being played that boy or girl would hit another boy or girl in the chest as hard as they could. So it was being played by her whole class. This girl happened to target my daughter. This is a kid she's had issues with apparently all year long already. You know the little things, pushing in line, grabbing things off her desk, then it escalated with this game to punching her in the chest. She is an easy going kid who doesn't like to be singled out and doesn't want to rock the boat. She's my go alonger, not with peer pressure just with people make mistakes let's just move on attitude which is great in some ways. She's not as prickly as her ever loving mother .. lol. Even as a kid I was just really intense. I shared an idea that came to me the next day of how to stand up to this girl. Boy did she laugh at first, .. I told to stand up if there is no teacher in the room and shout as loud as she could "child name! I HAVE ASKED YOU TO STOP TOUCHING MY BOOBS WHAT PART OF STOP ARE YOU NOT HEARING??" Girl has a voice on her she's her mothers daughter it's time to learn to use it! I told her I will lay dollars to doughnuts that kid would be 1" off the floor and the harrassment would stop! She laughed and said at first she couldn't do it. I challenged her on that and reminded her she had NO problem dealing with her brother in that way. I'm not saying that shouting solves everything however, she had already asked nicely more than one time. Expressed she didn't want to play the game as well, .. sorry outside of punching the other kid in the nose there isn't much else left to do to get the girls attention.
I had to go and find my voice. Which apparnetly I didn't realize I don't have much of one either. YIKES! LOL!! So her lesson was a good one for me too. I did speak with the principle who totally backed my daughter in the solution I had suggested. I found out later that another parent had called and threatened to pull their kids out of school if this didn't stop. I will say her principle totally was on top of things and I appreciated it greatly. I did follow up with my daughters teachers to make sure her seat was moved and that she no longer is within arms length of her person or her stuff being messed with. I guess my daughter did find an opportunity to stand up to the girl and I had to laugh because while she didn't shout she was more than a little clear she was done with the girl pushing and taking things.
There were some big lessons for me though, about stating needs and boundaries. For my daughter this was a big deal it was her first opportunity to learn she has a voice. She set a boundary as well this is not ok and she was not going to continue to take this kind of behavior. The other child left her alone for the rest of the day and my daughter even requested a new science partner .. lol. I am very proud of her that she took some of it into her own hands after she realized she had given her own power away.
Hugs, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Good for you Pushka to empower your daughter with lessons on boundaries and owning her space. I wish I had these tools as a child and I love to pass them onto my kids also. Keep up the good work!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I think the hardest thing about this situation for me is where to step in and where to back away. That night I had given it to my HP and came up with the "overly loud" solution on the way to school that morning. We had stopped for gas and it hit me. It's so easy to rush in and I really could have made a bad situation a lot worse for my daughter, as well as taken away an opportunity for her to find her voice in the situation. I was glad to have the night to think on it and put it out there to HP. I found out to that the girl in question is leaving the school at the end of this week. There's a lot of relief in that. These kids have pretty much gone K thru 7th at this point. They have always seemed to respect each other and really fostered a sense of togetherness I haven't seen in a group of kids. I did tell my daughter the lesson of opportunity for her is only half done. She has a good opportunity to foster forgiveness and moving on with a positive note vs a negative one. The girl in question is not a bad kid. She has had a rough go of things. It's important to have compassion as well. I don't want my daughter turning into the bully .. I did share that with her. She's found her voice in this situation now it's appropriate to go back to her indoor voice and easy going self. Now she can do so with a new found confidence she doesn't have to be bullied and harassed just because .. kind of deal. She's sent a clear message that she wants and deserves to be treated with the same respect she gives to others.
She also found out that a LOT of kids did not like the game, however they never went to their parents with the fact they were being assaulted in that manner. She said Friday was a much calmer day and the kids were a lot more respectful to each other. It was a situation that def could have gotten very out of control.
Monday is a new week, I think it was a full moon out there because that wasn't the only grade having issues this past week .. good grief .. lol! I hope my little guy is better tomorrow he has a birthday party to go to. It's for one of his good friends too.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Bless Dear Pushka for teaching your daughter to stand up for herself! As a teacher, I can say that it's tough to catch the bullies in action. They're so sneaky!
I hope you and your daughter continue to communicate well.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Girl you have been missed! You are such a fine example for your daughter to live by. It is not a wonder where she is picking up this beautiful life lessons of boundaries. Great job!
this bully went up to hassle my son- who had a whole life of bullying up until then- had had to move house-town and school over it- so in the new school a new bully started to target him- so my son picked up a chair and threw it at him- no bullying from the child since.....but he is so happy to have left- we left a year early and enrolled in college instead and its so much better. an adult world and the bullies dont survive- they cant stick to it without the legal need to be there- so they start to drop off- like leeches without blood to suck on. let is know what happens.....
(the school said they couldnt have chairs flying around- i said I dont really care to be honest- just deal with that bully and things will be ok- and my son went on to win awards for his behaviour and got a great reference
