The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For those of us who live around alcoholics stress is a huge issue. I know when I lived aorund the ex A illness was a big issue for me. I got sick often because I was so worn down.
In the last year I've been working 7 days a week in order to try to dig myself out of debt and get some needs met. Needless to say eventually I found myself exhuasted and over tired. I had to cut back on my activities. One thing that meant was to stop cleaning up after the roommates. I literally pulled the plug on it. I stopped doing their dishes, stopped mopping the floor, stopped cleaning the bathroom and stopped taking the trash out. That saved me more than an hour a day. Needless to say they barely noticed they are too overwhelmed with their own chaos.
Lately I've been looking at other ways to save my stress. I have to ask myself do I want to go to a Starbucks where the customer service is continually poor. I stopped going.
I really limit my amount of interactsion with the alcoholics and addicts who live in the house I live in. There is no "win" with them. Of course I have no doubt they think I am "rude" for not wanting to know what their latest crisis is. All I know is that I have to save my health.
I try to be proactive, plan ahead and budget. I don't have enough money yet to cover my needs but I'm actively making a plan be so that by next year I will be on my way to do that.
For some of us leaving an alcoholic means years of recovery. For me the financial recovery may in the decades. The emotional recovery has been tough going. Grieving the loss took me quite a while. Working through the rage, resentment and frustration has also been difficult.
My family of origin is mired in dysfunction. For now I am choosing to love them from afar. I live a long way from them and the relationship I had was like all the other relaitonships I've had, I gave they took. I have had to look at that was one reason I "gave" to the ex A I learned that blue print with my family of origin. Whatever I do, whenever I did it nothing was ever enough and I was always "selfish". Now selfish is about the only way I am going to survivie because I've had plenty of health issues over this summer that indicate I can't be stressed to the max all the time. My body can't do it, my emotional health can't do it and I have to draw a line.
What's your line. How can you reduce stress in your life. For me just small things like not going into a Starbucks where they can't train their staff to serve customers is a huge dividend.
I really appreciate your post. It is something I have been thinking about a lot lately, and will offer what I can.
I have had pretty much a lifelong interest in health/wellness/stress reduction (now I understand why). However, I actually went into a mainstream healthcare career that attracts many codependents. I am interested in the people and science sides of it, but not the "caretaking til you're drained" side that many find comfort in. I really wish I were working in the holistic/alternative medicine fields.
This morning I had a 30 minute Reiki appointment. It helps to lower the amount of physical pain in my upper back, and stress level. If I could afford it, I would get a massage a couple times per month - I've found it to have great benefits. One of the things I began doing a year and a half ago, and have persisted because it works, is walking - sometimes 2 miles/day. I sleep much better when I do this, and feel better overall. I also work with a homeopathic consultant to match homeopathic remedies to whatever I am struggling with - I find these are better able to reach the root of an emotional/psychological/physical problem I am having. Spiritually speaking, I used to be active in something called Siddhayoga. It's not a religion, just a spiritual path that uses a lot of meditation.
I hope you share more on what you end up doing, and how things are going. It sounds like the choices you are making are very much in your best interest! I am realizing how much my situation with my AH is affecting my health. Recently I read again that more spouses of A's die from cancers, etc. - I already have a condition that affects my immune system, and I don't need the added suppression. You've reminded me that I need to work harder to do something about this. For the last 2 months I've awakened daily feeling REALLY bad.
I find the anger to be the most destructive part to my health. It is my current struggle.
Thanks!
__________________
"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."
Before I met the ex A I had many health issues. During the time I lived with him those got worse. Ironcially the ex A got very ill. He had two major health issues, one a genetic disorder that flared up and the other of course liver disease.
Naturally as his disease progressed the only health issue that mattered was his. Living aroun alcoholics and addcits as I do (and I do hope there will be a way out of that for me) I notice they are able to both claim that their health is bad and their absolute right to "party" at all times.
I do know for me that health has beome a priority because I've not beena ble ot take care of it most of my life.
are you left with your partners drinking debts? i know what that is like. i recently did a debt relief order and wiped it all off- it felt so much better.
i eat better- this is my stress thing- i dont know why - but i became addicted to sugar, and it got me very low.
if you are working hard and your life is stressful i think you need to be as fit and strong as you can and like you said yu can so easily get colds.....one cold after the other,
i also chuck loads of vitamins down my neck too- though lately ive forgotten...funny how yu forget when you feel better.
We were not married but being togeher 7 years we may as well have been. He totaled the truck then took the insurance payments. He didn't put one cent into that truck but he felt entitled to it.
I had to write off so much in leaving the ex A, our home, my things (I had to let go of so many of them) he took at great deal, got a huge storage then I believe lost that. I did not follow up. Why woud I?
My issue is that for years before I left him I stopped taking care of myself. I saw his issues as far more important than mine. Somehow I justified holindg him up was a way to survive. At a certain point I went beyond survival to almost complete destruction. I now have to rebuild my credit and more.
Maresie, I would like to talk to you if possible. About exhaustion. I have dealt with it for 12 years. will email you and hope you receive it. Thank you.
