The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I went to my first Al-Anon meeting today. It was a meeting for adult children. However, as we know everyone in invited. During the meeting I really connected with some of the things members were saying, like how your feelings are not your own, and you do not know what you truly want because someone has told you what to feel and what to want your whole life...well, those are "symptoms" if you will, that I have, but not because of the drinker in our family (my brother), it's from my mother. So, what is htat all about? Did she abuse me emotionally and I did not realize it? How would it be connected to my brother's drinking, if it has been happening for as long as I can remember? (He didn't start drinking until he was in high school).
I'm not certain I understand your post fully? What I have learned about alcoholism the effects of it, is if your mom as an example grew up in an alcoholic family, I would gather to guess that if she didn't drink she was very controlling. In my family, fear was the basis of the codependent behavior and my mother (as her mother was) was extremely controlling (and addicted to drama). Interestingly enough when my mother married the second time she picked an addict. So that's where I saw the addiction. Years of controlling behavior before that did a lot of damage to how I thought, how I felt safe, and what do you know I picked an addict not once but twice.
The behavior will go through 3 generations unless someone stops it. Congrats on making your first f2f meeting. I hope you will continue to come here to the boards and use them as a tool for your recovery. There are so many lovely people on the boards. Everyone has such amazing experience, strength and hope to share. While our stories may differ, our core issues are all the same.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Sorry about the confusion...I was trying to figure out how to put it into words. But thank you for your sweet response This is a new journey for me, among other things happening in my life. Yes, my mother is very controlling; and her mother was abusive to her. Maybe that is where this is coming from.
You have come to the right place and you are going to the right place......face 2 face Al-Anon meetings. As Pushka indicated, we are all different, yet all the same.....we have been effected by the disease of alcoholism. Sometimes the effects might not show up until years later. Recovery from those effects can be found in the rooms of Al-Anon. You made a big step in your recovery today. Keep attending your f2f meetings and keep coming back to Miracles In Progres and posting. You will find the help you need. Your not alone anymore.
Hi RN... glad you are here, and hope you keep coming! The meetings are great, face to face meetings are where I met my sponsor. Having a sponsor and someone to call is helping me so much. From what I understand of the whole disease is that those of us with codependency issues have the same disease, we just are "addicted" to people (our addicts) and not a substance. When I figured that out and really then figured it out again, I saw it as so true. I am so busy trying not to feel my own pain, I get glomed onto a person who has addictions and stop thinking about me. I am just as addicted to him as he is to the substance... I am addicted to "Mood and mind altering men" as a speaker once said at a convention (Aileen R.).... I also understand that our parents can be not alcoholic, but if they were raised by one, they get the symptoms of the disease and pass it on to us. So breaking the chain is very important! Take care of you, keep coming :)
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
This is a new journey for me, among other things happening in my life. Yes, my mother is very controlling; and her mother was abusive to her. Maybe that is where this is coming from.