The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband & I have been together for 17 years. He was drinking the first 2 then stopped after his third DUI, but even sober he was very hard to live with at times. The last 2-3 years have been extremely difficult. I think it is because I have had enough & I am tired. The way he has treated the kids & I borders on mental abuse, I have withdrawn & retreated within. This spring/summer he started drinking again. Binge drinking, alone. I found an open almost full bottle of vodka & an empty bottle of gin in his truck. He admits to drinking while driving, "just one drink". If he gets pulled over he will never get his license back & faces possible prison time. Right now I am confused, lost, hurt, angry, resentful... I told him last week if he drinks again to don't bother coming home. He came home last Wednesday after drinking. He admits that he doesn't want to quit, but will if it means he can stay. But I know that he would be quitting for the wrong reason. I can't live with him if he is drinking, I don't want to watch him spiral, on the other hand I don't want him to quit & stay for the wrong reason(s). I am at a crossroad, I need to break free of our sick relationship since it is making me sick. But where do I begin?
Please start at a local alanon meeting for you. You need to start healing. There are many of us who live with active alcoholics and many who have recovering. We are only responsible for our own recovery and in our own recovery you will feel the veil of chaos start to lift, and it won't matter if your AH is drinking or not. It's not to say that the pain just goes away, it just is very different. The coping skills that come are such a huge blessing. I am no longer a victim of my circumstances. I took back my own power and after I dusted myself off the ground and stopped being a doormat. Things in our house have changed for the better.
There are lots of great people here on the boards, where my healing took off is at the face to face meetings. Every meeting is different and it is said to try 6 before deciding if alanon is for you (it took me more than 6, out of sheer stubbornness on my part I just kept going and the pay off of healing did start to happen. I love my home meeting now). Every meeting has its own flavor because while the stories of circumstances may differ the core issues are always the same.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Hi, littlemotel. I am reminded of something that Linbaba (an oltimer here on the boards--you might want to read many of his prior posts) gave as an analogy.
It goes something like this: If you are playing in the middle of the highway, and keep getting hit by trucks, You have two choices: Either keep blaming the trucks OR get off the highway.
The famous baseball player Yogi Berra once said "When you come to a fork in the road....take it". You state you have come to a crossroad. In your case you have a choice of two roads. One is the road you have been on that hasn't been working. I stayed on that road for years doing the same things over and over and getting the same results. The second road is the one Pushka and pinkslip suggested above. It's the road we all took. It's what worked for us. It's a road (program) that will take you in the right direction.
Give the program a try. Your life can and will get better. We care about you, and you don't have to be alone in the disease anymore.
For me the best thing I could do to was to get myself to an alanon meeting and find a sponsor to begin working the steps. There is an old saying out there, when you do what you have always done, you are going to get what you have always got.
Keep coming back and post here. I do so hope you will consider going to a face to face meeting. It was the best decision I have ever made.
I cannot say enough how alanon meetings have changed my life. I am blessed to be here on these boards as well. The changes in me are fostering changes around me. If you can, try out a few meetings, keep trying and keep coming back here and posting. The pressure can be relased little by little. Alanon teaches us how to live differently, and have serenity whether the alcholic drinks or not....
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
