The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just got off the phone after making 2 phone calls for help. Reaching out for help is not a usual behavior for an enabler as the default is thinking I can do it and do it all now all the time and I face fear again of...judgement from others or the "what ifs"; what if they say no, what if they tell me they cannot help me, what if it doesn't work out in my way? etc. I'm remembering my sponsors mentoring; "If you want to get to balance and stay there each time you "what if" ask yourself "what if not".
It was safer when I just did nothing and hid behind whatever I found to hide behind that I thought would make things safe.
I remember his lesson regarding the Serenity Prayer and my working interpretation of it. I used serenity all the time and never exercised the courage or wisdom. I thought Serenity and Acceptance was my whole program until he said to me one day. "How do you know if a thing will work out or not if you don't try first?" Damned questions demanded answers and so I listened to the lesson over again and came out of my default condition of apathy (things are the way they are and I won't attempt to change them) and procrastination (putting off for whenever/luck what I could make an attempt on today).
I come up with solutions before I even recognize the problem and there I be...stuck without a smile on my face. Humility is being teachable and that comes after reaching out for help and asking, "can you please help me".
A while back, I was switching radio stations in the car and somehow landed on a station where a sermon was being delivered on the Serenity Prayer. Every word/ phrase was disected as to the ways the prayer can help open our hearts and minds to deepen our dedication and faith. So many times I wish I could hear that on replay. Your post brought me right back.
Asking for help is hard for me as well, Jerry. And I have been getting quite a bit of practice these last couple weeks.
I noticed something the other day though. I was going to the grocery store for the bread I needed and to the hardware store for my hammer. I am wiser and more particular of who I ask for help. As I become healthy I recognize healthy ... and healthy people are able to help in ways that do not create disappointment, resentments or pain that I came to associate with my experiences of asking for help. When both helper and helpee can mix together to create an act of kindness or compassion or forward movement, it is beautiful. At the same time I gave thought to the times I am the helper and now that I wait to help instead of running the show I see that for that beauty to burst into being ... somebody usually has to ask
We spoke about this last night of how one little phone can weigh 500lbs and why that is. Thank you for the share Jerry :) Great topic!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Yes that phone is heavy. And asking for help is very humbling. Thanks for bringing it back here Jerry. I have to force myself to make the call. And I am oh so glad when I do :)
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
xoxox for starters. I think part of my humility too was to pick up the phone and ask for help, which for me is connected to the same humility in step 1, that our lives are unmanageable, then perhaps we are powerless.
That invitation of welcoming a power greater than ourselves into our lives and developing a relationship with this source in order to get to the "could restore us to sanity" in step two is magical.
Practicing using the phone to call a sponsor, reach out to program friends, or even trying to find out where a face to face meeting is are all actions of faith, hope, and trust that something is out there greater than ourselves that has our back and we can rely on for guidance and support.
hmmmm, reading your post Jerry brings to mind this thought: wonder how much difference it would make in our lifes if, instead of praying "now I lay me down to sleep" we were taught to pray "God, grand me the serenity"? From an early age adopting the prayer and referring to it in all times of need/decision?
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Askling for help is not the easiest thing to do however, it sometimes is the necessary thing in our crazy lifes.
The serenity prayer to me is so very important I must admit I lean on it a lot. Changing the things we can't and the wisdom to know the differance is a very big statement. Being an enabler is easy changing it on the other hand is difficult but dear friend it is possible and knowing that is the differance.
Please, take care of you know you are loved and have all the support you need and ask for.
Good for you, Jerry. I reach out to my Sponsor quite frequently. If she is unavailable, then I use the lifeline and call other members. I do it with wisdom and pray about it. It is risky, yet it has helped me from losing my mind. Thanks for sharing.
Now whats the Odds that we would share the same thoughts... its almost scary...lol... However, This one didn't take that "help" step... Instead I sat on my Pity Pot and Procrastinated Most of the weekend ;( Not proud, but I now see Now I must Grab the boot straps and get back at it... your Awesome Brother... Thanks for Sharing your Journey, seems to be just what I need on my Monday Morning with this Beautiful Sun and Cool Breeze :0)
So Grateful for your Heartfelt, Humility giving, ESH ;0)
