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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> alcohol saliva test
Post Info TOPIC: alcohol saliva test
Lyne


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alcohol saliva test
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Ok so my Aspouse went out last night for dinner to thank so co-workers for a summer project.  I figured she was going to drink.  Prior to joining alanon, I had bought alcohol saliva tests on a q-tip type thing.  I just can't stand her lying and drinking, and I wanted to have some control.  I also don't want to be lied to anymore.  So since reading all the suggestions on the board, I struggled with what to do last night.  I sure wanted to test her when she came in.  That I'm not some wimpy wife fooled over and over again.  But some of you say don't ask the questions you know the answers to.  So I know she will still drink and I know she will still lie.  So I didn't do it, didn't ask her, and you know what?  I don't think she drank last night.  Instead of having drama and a fight, we actually did OK.  What do you think of that?  Lyne



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Lyne
RLC


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Lyne,

I think you did a wonderful job of "Not Recating". My favorite slogan by the way. How important is it to ask a question that will only cause unneeded drama. By not reacting you saved your serenity and peace of mind, and that's much better than the alternative.

Who said those famous words?......This program works if you work it !!!

HUGS,
RLC

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Lindaoakford


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HI Lyne,

we seem to be at the same place in all of this. Learning to not ask, not try to decipher in other ways, not try to illicit the information, not 'snif' when we give them a kiss to see if we can smell a hint of something (in my case pot), not looking for the glassiness and reacting to it.

I would have to say this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life.  As most of us have here, I have done some difficult things, but this is by far the hardest.

The internal turmoil in my heart and brain and guts.  The swings between being a door mat, accepting being lied to, accepting that my husband has something inside him that makes him do and say those things that hurt me, then over to the love of the man not the pothead, then back again to the 'if he loved me' routine.

So many swings I feel like a theme park.

What I am trying to do for the moment, is run on blind faith that the people here are right.  If I honestly want to say that I have tried everything, then I had better try everything.

I will try to give the first step a go and see how it works out for me.

You did good.  whether she drank or did not drink, you had a nice (OK) night with her.  My goal is to be happy in the presence of my husband if he is stoned or not stoned.  and if I am not in the mood to look at his stoned face, then I can be happy somewhere else for a few hours until that face is gone.  I have pangs of... 'betrayal' feelings that he could just be nice and not get stoned when I am home, but the pot head devil inside of him is not a nice person.



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Linda - a work in progress
White Rabbit


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YAY, Lyne!!! Way to go!!!

It's sooo hard to accept that no matter how we feel about another person's drinking or using, we are not the ones that get to decide what is right for someone else. But when we accept it and just stop trying, we're free to live our lives and actually find things to enjoy and appreciate, instead of wasting a whole bunch of time obsessing about something that we will never be able to change regardless of the number of years we devote to trying.

GREAT story!!!


Summer

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I can't fix my broken mind with my broken mind.
Debilyn


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yep it is none of our business. Letting go was very wise. A's lie, A's drink. no surprise.

It's not like we can decide to live with someone then right down allll the things we will not accept of them. They are A with all those symtoms, do we live with it or not. Not fair to change anyone.

hugs,deb



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"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Jerry F


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In fact Lyne it was you who got tested and you did't fail the test...Therefore you and she deserve the good night.  Yay!!



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usedtobeanyer


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I've been in the same boat, and I've insisted my wife do one of those tests. The results came back negative and it left me feeling as horrible as I have ever felt in my life--angry, confused, frustrated, you name it. And if the test would have been positive, what would I have felt? Angry, confused, frustrated...

Don't go down that road. Good for you on "passing the test", as Jerry says.

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