All in all, things are quite good right now.  As some of you may recall, it wasn't too long ago that I posted about my ex-AH going through horrific withdrawals.  He did go in to a 30-day rehab and continues to go to outpatient classes.  He believes this was his bottom.  Hopefully, he is correct.  He has had 2 DUI's; the second one cost him his job - he was "forced" to retire a few years earlier than he planned.  He has gone through three 30-day rehabs.  He has had one son not talk with him for over a year, after his second DUI.  Furthermore, he lost his self-respect and was engulfed with self-hate and shame.  Yes, I hope it was his bottom.

We've been through quite a lot over the last 26 years of our 36 year marriage.  Some incidents are blurred memories.  Some very vivid still if I sit and think about them.  While I do not want to lose memory of what it's like to live with alcoholism, I do choose to keep my thoughts in the now and revel in the gifts that today brings.

This morning, I realized that I could have not welcomed him back home if it had not been for Al-Anon.  I would have been too apprehensive (putting it mildly).  I realize that relapse is quite possible.  However, I do not dwell on that for a minute.  I keep my thoughts here in the now and am so thankful for his sobriety today.  It could all change tomorrow; if so, I'll deal with it tomorrow and will not react as in the past.

Al-Anon has taught me to focus on the person, not the disease.  It has taught me that it's not selfish to take care of myself (I struggled with this most of my life!).  Truly, I can't begin to share all of what the program has done for me in the past 6 months.

I entered the program with great skepticism, but an open mind.   I was at the end of my rope.  Al-Anon was my last resort; I'd been separated/divorced from the ex, but  I still didn't feel any relief.  In hingsight, I'm happy for all my struggles in the past, for they led me to the rooms of the program.  I've begun to establish solid, positive relationships with some of its members.  Without saying a word, I know that they know how I feel.  It's priceless to feel understood. 

I know that people who love me dearly, such as my dad and stepmom, can never understand what I've been through with my alcoholic.  I recall that I used to talk with my stepmom a lot about my struggles with my ex.  She'd listen, but she never really understood; I could sense that she didn't get me.

It's important to be understood.  For any of you lurkers out there, I do hope you consider joining us here at MIP.  Moreover, I hope that you give meetings a chance.  I know everyone has to do things in his or her own time. 

It is my hope that your time is near.  Meetings are a place where you learn tools that are ever life-changing.  Once you begin meetings, get the hang of them, feel a bit comfy with them, you will wonder why you took so long in getting there.

Until then, take good care.  Gail

BTW, my ex-AH is an avid fisherman and camper.  I was concerned for him that he'd continue his passion and be tempted to drink.  Alcohol was part of the package pre-recovery days.  Little did we know, that AA members get together and go camping/fishing together on a regular basis.  So WOO-HOO!  This weekend was his first such outing with a group of AA members.