The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I mentioned in my previous post I am doing a medical treatment for the next couple weeks ... and I fully realize that I have a few thousand milligrams of steroids pumping through my brain and body right now. But my head is going to explode ... I was fine until my exAH showed up this morning to talk to me about his feelings of sadness over my disease. I know I should be grateful he has reached a point that he sees outside himself even if only for a brief time. BUT all I can think of when he says he will be there for me, will help in any way he can is how he stole my dog's pain meds when he was dying, how he quit his job and I lost my insurance at the worst possible time it could have happened without telling me and I wracked up 100K in bills, lost my house and every other bit of security I falsely thought I had at the same time I found out about this disease. Which as a side note ... there is no recovery from ... zip ... and the progression and prognosis is worse than addiction. All those memories anf feelings are old and have been dealt with but that fact does not mean that I will forget what he, while in the turmoil of his disease, is capable of. And I am angry at myself ... I am trying to once again to be his friend and a member of his support system when it is not in my best interest. Right now I hate the fact I feel this way and have no way of knowing if these are my true feelings or an increased reaction because of my medication. Either way I am choosing to release these thoughts and feelings and ask my HP to take over so that I can go take care of ME with good thoughts and acceptance that I am doing the best for myself both mentally and medically that I can at this time. Thank you.
Hugs jen,
You are important and your health and well being needs to come first. If giving him comfort takes from you then maybe right now you don't need that going on. Your illness and recovery (comfort) should come first. It's ok if you aren't ok with this intrusion, maybe it's just not the right time for you.
Focus on yourself and your own serenity.
Hugs, p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I wasn't aware of all that you had endured with your ex. I'm so sorry. You're a strong woman.
It sounds as though his visit aren't of help to you at this time. Letting go and letting your HP take it from here so that you can rest sounds like an excellent plan.
Praying for you. Gail
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Jennifer please take the time to relax and take care of yourself. I too didn't know all that you have been through and from what I hear you have survived it well with your own recovery. I am sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Thank you for your thoughts, prayers and loans of strength. Medically am fine aside from side effects of medication. Mentally flighty ... why anyone would willing take something that made them able to feel 15 different emotions in 5 minutes is beyond me LOL, tools, tools, tools .... Said what I needed to, did not say it intentionally mean, did not pull any punches. Best I got right now
