Update and new Definition of Addiction - Al-Anon Family Group

Doozy · Senior Member

Update and new Definition of Addiction

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

HI This stuff is all good

I have worked in Addiction medicine areas now for about 5 years. Yet here I am sitting here with you guys.. struggling the day to day acceptance of that in my heart.

I am a counsellor for Alcohol and Other Drugs (AOD), I am a Nurse for AOD and I am now an educator about AOD.

Not blowing my trumpet, what I am saying is that this is great information and really helps understand the neurobiological adaptions that the brain goes through with addiction.

I still find it hard to incorporate the knowledge into what I do next time I am feeling crazy cos he has smoked when I want to spend time with him.

It is fascinating stuff to learn.

linbaba · Veteran Member

whats truly exciting is when we realize our qualifiers are addicted to their "thing", and we are addicted to them, so...that makes us....addicts...and...uh oh....we get addicted to trying to change them and make them behave, and we get addicted to asking them if they understand that doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is insanity....and getting the same result and not seeing what we are doing is...insanity...and.....uh oh

addiction is insidious

addiction is being unable to stop doing something that is harmful to yourself, your well being and your life...kind of like...umm....being in a relationship with an unhealthy human being and not changing because we want them to change...uh oh...denial? not me it's them /points finger (s)he is the one in denial, I just lived with him/her for 20 years waiting for it to change

loved when the light bulb came on

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

Linbaba... you are a gem... I needed that at the moment.

You made me laugh and identify.

Yes I am addicted to making him stop.. how do I know that.. I tried to no longer check up on him. I couldn't do it for longer than 6 1/2 days.

I used all the 'relapse prevention' techniques I teach my clients.

I am doing that smiling and shaking my head at myself thing.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I've got very similar experiences to Linda and once responded that "addiction is the continued use and abuse of things in spite of known negative,(even life threatening) consequences. Had to keep it simple or my brain and tongue get in a fight.

smile

linbaba · Veteran Member

Lindaoakford wrote:
Linbaba... you are a gem... I needed that at the moment.
You made me laugh and identify.
Yes I am addicted to making him stop.. how do I know that.. I tried to no longer check up on him. I couldn't do it for longer than 6 1/2 days.
I used all the 'relapse prevention' techniques I teach my clients.
I am doing that smiling and shaking my head at myself thing.

You know what helped me, was instead of telling myself "I will never do this again" learning to say "I may not be done doing this"...because...well, I keep doing it

Example, the last few years I have been steadily gaining weight even though I was getting an insane amount of exercise, I climb trees for god's sakes, but there I am packing on the pounds, because I get HUNGRY, I eat these huge portions and lots of starches so I kept trying to go on diets...it would work for awhile then I'd "relapse, great fat climber guy would be back....

about two weeks ago I got on a scale and had lost 25 lbs. in the past month, there was no conscious decision to go on a diet, but I had just stopped eating all starches (give up the white powders my dad calls it, flour and sugar) but no potatos or bread and cut back on sodas, drink green tea instead

How do I know when I am ready to go on a diet? because I will have lost weight

How do I know when I am done being addicted to trying to change someone else's behavior?

because one day I will realize I haven't done it for a few months, and instead of fight, instead of trying to overcome it, I "won" by surrendering and realizing I am powerless over it on a "gut" level

my experience is it takes what it takes, and it takes some of us longer then others and all the book larnin in the world doesn't help, because I have the knowledge, I read, a LOT, I mean simplest thing in the world, eat less and exercise = lose weight but look at all the fad diets because people aren't ready to -really- change their basic lifestyle, they want a pill to lose weight, to feel better and not deal with their emotions, to handle their heart disease and manage their diabetes, when in fact in 99 times out of 100 a simple lifestyle change will address these issues, but then we get addicted to trying to run others people lives for them so we don't have to face our own

when we are done running, we change

when I engage in old behavior I no longer say "I will -never- do this again", I say to myself, "I might not be done doing this, when I am done I will no longer do it" and somehow that seems to expidite the process of where the responsibility lies and moves me towards surrender, because it's what my sponsors always did, they never yelled at me, they always said, well, you aint done, when you done you'll know because you won't be doing it any more" and somehow there is enough self love and gentleness and forgiveness I don't waste time on beating myself up for the behavior but the focus goes on changing the behavior, it reduces what I have to look at...does that make sense?

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

It makes so much I want to cry. (again)

Just reading it felt like a knot in my stomach unwound.

I was actually feeling a bit hightened and very anxious about a work thing I am in the middle of and I could feel the hyperventilating start to come on.... so that may be part of it also, that I stopped to listen to you.

But I will also print that out.

I am morbidly obese so I guess I related to some of what you are saying.

I really want that gut level of surrender.

I went for a walk to get some lunch today and on the way I said "Universe... what is it I am doing here? What are you trying to teach me.. what am I not listening to. Why do I have to have addiction in my life right now?"

I know I am scared that if I get healthy, I will leave my husband. Fear of success I think. I don't want to leave him, I want him to stop.... yeah yeah I know....

I want, to not want, anymore.

Thanks

linbaba · Veteran Member

Lindaoakford wrote:
It makes so much I want to cry. (again)
Just reading it felt like a knot in my stomach unwound.
I was actually feeling a bit hightened and very anxious about a work thing I am in the middle of and I could feel the hyperventilating start to come on.... so that may be part of it also, that I stopped to listen to you.
But I will also print that out.
I am morbidly obese so I guess I related to some of what you are saying.
I really want that gut level of surrender.
I went for a walk to get some lunch today and on the way I said "Universe... what is it I am doing here? What are you trying to teach me.. what am I not listening to. Why do I have to have addiction in my life right now?"
I know I am scared that if I get healthy, I will leave my husband. Fear of success I think. I don't want to leave him, I want him to stop.... yeah yeah I know....
I want, to not want, anymore.
Thanks

((((((((hugs)))))))

so much unconditional love coming your way, and forgiveness, the forgiveness you are unable to give yourself

((((((((so much hugs and love))))))))))))

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Linda, it was my fear that if I got healthy, I would leave my partner too. Well, that is exactly what happened. I did leave. But, not saying that is going to happen for you. It took a lot of work and it has been scary but there is a new me now. I have shed 60 pounds, stopped drinking, smoking, and embraced a new lifestyle. In the end, these drastic changes were rough, but have resulted in a version of me that is much better than clinging to the misery I was in just for the sake of security. Yes, I did love my ex. We had been together 7 years....but it was going nowhere but downhill.

My point is, don't be afraid of change and you don't have to know exactly where this change is going to take you ultimately. One day at a time.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Doozy, hugs girl you are working your program and look at the pay off way to go!!! ;) I learn so much from your shares and appreciate what you have to say!!! ;) Hugs, P ;)

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

Wow, this is quite amazing to read... something I kind of thought already... I know alot about depression (have it) and such and to think that obsession (addiction) is a mind disease... ok. So now what? It never really said how they would TREAT a person with this. Its funny how they do that. Say oh its this, but not mention of what to do about it... AA... something....Smart Recovery what have you... Good to know though :) My disease is the same as the A's... so it was good to read. Thanks for sharing it!

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh and good for you for talking with your room mate :) Thats great! Keep coming ;)

DadtoCandE · Veteran Member

linbaba,

I always agree with what you say, but I'm going to go a bit short on on calling my sickness an addiction. Isn't it possible that we can hope for recovery from addiction in a person we love without obsessing over changing them? Looking back with an educated eye my wife did show signs of addiction when I first met her, but it wasn't until the disease progressed to a life threatening condition that I really began to take notice and educate myself. I definitely recognize a part in it. During the early to mid stages I actually enjoyed it, she would be much more affectionate when she drank and of course I believed that the drinking was bringing her true feelings out. When she complained or became angry with me or questioned the strength of our relationship, it was obviously the alcohol talking. How nice it was for me to not have to work at the relationship.

I do believe that it is myself I want to change, but I also hope for my wife to recover from addiction. I am coming to acceptance that I can't control the latter, and while I can control the former, it's harder then I thought.

Brian

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

These are the articles I found online with Google:

Addiction is a brain disease, experts declare